Wednesday, March 28, 2007

you're too short and your personality sucks

Those of us in Oz who are jaded by the warped, jargonistic English of formulaic job ads (self-starter, hit the ground running, able to value add and meet key deliverables etc etc shudder cringe vomit) will notice that Philippine job ads are different. Those advertising casual, non-professional positions are, at least. I find them a mix of refreshing and disconcerting, requesting, as they do, characteristics that Oz job ads simply don’t allow, on the basis of equal opportunity etc.

I just stumbled over this on the Cultural Center of the Philippines website:

The Venue Management Division is in need of PART-TIME USHERS AND USHERETTES with the following qualifications:

  • 5'3 (females) and 5'8 (males) in height;
  • 18-28 years old;
  • college student or working professional
  • well-versed in written and spoken Filipino and English languages;
  • with pleasing personality; and willing to stay up late nights, weekends and holidays.

Questions must be asked! Do females and males need to be exactly 5’3” and 5’8”, respectively? Or is that the minimum (or maximum?) height? Who defines a “pleasing personality”? If 5’8” is a minimum and not an absolute requirement, I reckon I’d have a shot.

On the same web page:

The Technical Services division of the Theater Operations department is in need of RELIEVERS for Stage Personnel with the following qualifications:

  • Must be 20-24 years old
  • At least a graduate of Electrical, Mechanical and Electronics Technology Courses
  • Willing to work overtime under pressure With good moral character
  • Excellent Health Condition

That could be me too – I’m certain I have good moral character. But I don’t know if I have to have that as a general trait, or only when working overtime under pressure. Given the capitals, experience in theatre work must be a hell of an advantage.

I’ve seen several ads that also specify the applicant must be Catholic and single. I think single simply means unmarried, not strictly boyfriendless or girlfriendless (so that's OK, then).

To finish, I’ll segue seamlessly into a quote from a job ad somebody just emailed me. I’m not going to apply – the time isn’t right and, even if it was, it didn’t really appeal. Most of all, I don’t think I could stomach working for an organisation whose “strategic vision” is this:

[Organization X] recognises that to increase its organisational sustainability it must constantly maintain a strategic focus in advancing its mission. It must not become inward focused and consumed with the minutia of the short term.

Honestly, what the fuck does that mean?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dunno whether you would pass for a good catholic either... Sorry to disappoint you in case you had a job in mind. Remember, however, that it's never too late to mend your ways

4:02 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, the world needs ditch diggers too!

So who is 'organisation X', wombat? That's a pretty staggering piece of work, even this late into the era of completely vacuous managementese drivel.

9:52 pm  
Blogger bleeeeeeeeeeeeeee said...

Hester, my dear, come and talk to Miss Morland in French. lortab. Miss Biffin's thyroid way of handling her knife and Mr.. He began his short story career by contributing Whistling Dick's Christmas Stocking to coumadin McClure's Magazine in 1899.. The great house was relinquished. clindamycin. His body was a paxil wine-pipe or a rum puncheon, or something of that character, and had a truly Falstaffian air...

10:56 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, Falstaff did say: 'A good wit will make use of anything; I will turn diseases to commodity.'

11:22 am  
Blogger Cinema Minima said...

[Organization X] recognises that to increase its organisational sustainability it must constantly maintain a strategic focus in advancing its mission. It must not become inward focused and consumed with the minutia of the short term.

I think it means that X wants to...

-stay in business

-concentrate on staying in business

-work towards the future, without dealing with those pesky problems of today, ie; being completely foolish and ruthless bastards.

11:47 am  
Blogger jio said...

If that last ad did (really) come from a Philippine organization, then, sigh, there goes again our penchant to dilute our sentences with flowerly English terms. It can be improved by stating "growth through focus". Then again, I think they want to catch the attention of clueless jobseekers out there.

Nice blog, wombat.

10:32 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that sounds like an organization (company) that is not sold to the idea of it being in the business. lol.

10:30 am  
Blogger secret wombat said...

thanks jio...if you're referring to Organization X, they're from Australia. We can do flowery, obfiscatory language too...

1:56 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The badger who dines on wombat entrails says stop procrastinating and let's have an update!

4:59 pm  

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