you're too short and your personality sucks

Those of us in Oz who are jaded by the warped, jargonistic English of formulaic job ads (self-starter, hit the ground running, able to value add and meet key deliverables etc etc shudder cringe vomit) will notice that Philippine job ads are different. Those advertising casual, non-professional positions are, at least. I find them a mix of refreshing and disconcerting, requesting, as they do, characteristics that Oz job ads simply don’t allow, on the basis of equal opportunity etc.

I just stumbled over this on the Cultural Center of the Philippines website:

The Venue Management Division is in need of PART-TIME USHERS AND USHERETTES with the following qualifications:

• 5'3 (females) and 5'8 (males) in height;
• 18-28 years old;
• college student or working professional
• well-versed in written and spoken Filipino and English languages;
• with pleasing personality; and willing to stay up late nights, weekends and holidays.

Questions must be asked! Do females and males need to be exactly 5’3” and 5’8”, respectively? Or is that the minimum (or maximum?) height? Who defines a “pleasing personality”? If 5’8” is a minimum and not an absolute requirement, I reckon I’d have a shot.

On the same web page:

The Technical Services division of the Theater Operations department is in need of RELIEVERS for Stage Personnel with the following qualifications:

• Must be 20-24 years old
• At least a graduate of Electrical, Mechanical and Electronics Technology Courses
• Willing to work overtime under pressure With good moral character
• Excellent Health Condition
• EXPERIENCE IN THEATER WORK IS AN ADVANTAGE!

That could be me too – I’m certain I have good moral character. But I don’t know if I have to have that as a general trait, or only when working overtime under pressure. Given the capitals, experience in theatre work must be a hell of an advantage.

I’ve seen several ads that also specify the applicant must be Catholic and single. I think single simply means unmarried, not strictly boyfriendless or girlfriendless (so that's OK, then).

To finish, I’ll segue seamlessly into a quote from a job ad somebody just emailed me. I’m not going to apply – the time isn’t right and, even if it was, it didn’t really appeal. Most of all, I don’t think I could stomach working for an organisation whose “strategic vision” is this:

[Organization X] recognises that to increase its organisational sustainability it must constantly maintain a strategic focus in advancing its mission. It must not become inward focused and consumed with the minutia of the short term.

Honestly, what the fuck does that mean?