Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just don’t connect with some people.
Last Wednesday night, I was down at my local with some workmates, sipping on my alpha-male macho usual:
(Thanks to D for the camerawork.)
Ph, a French sciéntiste, arrived with C, an Italian here to be interviewed for a postdoc position with Ph. We were introduced and she happened to sit next to me. My high EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT or “E.Q.” kicked in as I IMMEDIATELY spotted a chance to put her at ease with some light-hearted repartee. Using my best hail-fellow-well-met demeanour, I asked jovially: “Are you sure it’s ok to be out drinking with your potential boss?” I was pretty sure I’d used the appropriate jocular tone – the nudge nudge wink wink would have registered on the Richter scale.
C: “Yes, it’s OK. There is no problem.”
I was a little stumped. I wanted to yell, “Come on! Take it and RUN with it!” Look at the OPPORTUNITY I’m offering! Instead: “Uh…um…er…I was only joking.”
C: “Yes, of course. I am Italian, I have a sense of humour.”
I was struggling, and I confess that I resorted to outmoded national stereotypes to try and get back on to solid ground. I apologise for any offence to my Teutonic brethren, and I remind you that I have a significant amount of Germanic DNA in my cell nuclei. Please realize I was desperate – I know many VERY funny Germans; some of my best friends are German.
Me: “Ha! I didn’t think you were GERMAN!” (Guffaws)
C: “Germans have a sense of humour. It is the Swiss who do not.”
Me: “Oh. Oh. The Swiss.” (Thinks: What about Italians doing impressions of outmoded stereotypes of Germans?)
At this point I cut my losses and broke desperately into a conversation on the other side of the table.
Flash forward to Thursday lunchtime. Moving tables to talk to friends in the coffee shop, and I end up next to none other than … C! My HIGH E.Q. kicked in again – a chance to get back on the right foot after the dismal failure of the previous night! She was just about to leave. After some brief pleasantries, and as she made to stand up, I went in for the kill: “Good luck! Or, maybe after 3 days here, you won’t want to get the job!” (smiles, winks, gentle matey-matey punch to the bicep).
C: “Why?”
That was it. There was no more fight left in me.
“Uh…um…er…um…you know…maybe, uh, you didn’t like it…I mean…but, really – I’m sure you’d LOVE it here…”
If she hadn’t launched into an explanation of why it would be a “good challenge” for her to work here, I would have been on my knees, pleading. We ALL love it here! No, really! NO, DON’T GO! PLEASE STAY!! Please…
I hope she gets the job so we can get together for similar conversations every day of the week.
Footnote
The above examples of my conversational skills should IN NO WAY be taken as representative of my overall aptitude for human-to-human communication. I was under EXTEME DURESS.
(Thanks to D for the camerawork.)
9 Comments:
My prediction is that C will get the job and you'll be assigned to do an interesting and candid interview for the Mag. That WOULD cause duress... and I may even get to see SW use 3 !!! instead of 2!! (never seen before).
bunkie
that would call fro capitals, undelines, bold and italic, too. In theory I assign stories for the mag; it would take a fierce directive from up high for me to agree to that idea...
baahhahaahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahaahhaaha
damn, damn that was funny... wish i had been there to watch you squirm.
p
perhaps Italians need slapstick funny to laugh, like Americans?
Ash
I was there and I can attest that you put in a damn good effort and you shouldn't doubt your EQ one iota. I gave up trying to talk to her after about three sentances, testimony to my incredibly low EQ.
By the way, Ash. I'm American and I think Roberto Begnini is a jackass.
Anon, thankyou. I do question her EQ, just a little.
Anon, Ash - GAME ON! This is what I want to see on SW: some clash-of-culture stuff. Islam versus "The West" has nothing on this.
One thing to C's defense (I haven't met the bitch, I'm just saying) is that humour is a verbal luxury. If english is not your first language you do get hampered by it. Spoken humour requires a fair amount of timing and eloquence, and not having a clear path from your mind to your mouth can easily make you go for the the stiff, easy (as in no complicated words)converstion.
From your description this might not have been the case, just food for thought.
Anon (comment above this one) - good point. Though, you;re right - I think there was more at work here than merely language issues.
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