Friday, May 07, 2010

The best, most brilliant thing EVER

This came, along with a bunch of other less enticing offers, in the mail the other day. I have no idea where to even start with it. Click on it to get a bigger image. It's brilliant beyond words. I desperately want to know 1) Who are the people who buy these? and 2) Who are the people who make and sell them? I want to know SO I CAN OFFER MY ETERNAL THANKS. It may have been designed by a bikie Homer Simpson...though Homer would probably have been a little more understated.

Highlights? Every damn pixel is a highlight, but if I had to pick a top 5 (in no particular order -- you can't rank perfection):
  1. Hanging "pipes" (What are these "pipes", really?).
  2. Sculptural (??) motorcycle announces each hour!
  3. $249.95 price tag (plus $14.99 postage & handling).
  4. The fine print (left of the "Ride Hard, Live Free" pendulum): as all my readers would know, all the greatest works of art require 2 "D" and one "AA" battery (not included), and have sound effects which may be turned off. Da Vinci. Picasso. Monet. Dali. Take your pick -- none of their works operate without batteries.
  5. The insistence that "Strong demand is expected...". Well, duh! Does the Pope shit in the woods?
The one thing I find just a tiny bit disappointing is that it's a little too minimalist. With a cunning design strategy, the artists could, I'm sure, have squeezed in a few more elements and symbols. Sure, an "artist's resin eagle", a sculptural motorcycle that announces each hour, a speedometer-design clockface, American eagle / Stars and Stripes / Chopper artwork, a "Ride Hard, Live Free" chrome-finish pendulum, hanging "pipes", and battery-powered excitement is quite a lot. But, somewhere deep down, I feel there could have been more.

Time of freedom
. With this on your wall, you are, indeed, truly free.