Saturday, April 23, 2005

Shine yer shoes, guv?

My previous boss invited G and Y to dinner with the rival candidate. G told me today that he seems like a serious contender, and a good guy to boot. Five years editing some publication (newspaper or mag, I’m not sure) in the Ukraine, plus some decent freelancing under his belt (including an internationally published story about heli-skiing in Siberia...bloody show-off). He’s about my age, too, which makes me feel sort of weird.

I’m now semi-convinced he’ll get the job. If he was a half-generation or more older than me, I wouldn’t feel bad. But because he’s around the same age, if he does get it, it’ll be an ego blow. It’s not so much that I’ll be upset at not getting the job. And I don’t think I’m an excessively ego-driven person. But – given that even if I don’t get the job I’ll still be working here for at least a few months, and at a significantly lower professional and pay level than him – I’ll feel a bit like the underling who didn’t quite make it.

I have images of him hanging out with the people I hang out with now, laughing heartily together over some bon mot as I sit in the corner, ignored. Yesterday’s child, the kid who coulda been a contender. I know all this is crap – if he gets the job my work friends won’t abandon me and I’ll probably end up hanging out and becoming friends with him. But at some level I have a desire to be on the outer. I guess it would let me wallow in self-indulgent melancholy. And who wouldn’t want that?

On another note: J (housemate) arranged for a tailor to come to the apartment at 7 this morning to measure us up for our Flinstone costumes, which we'll wear to the party on Saturday night. I abrogated all organisational responsibility (theme = "ancient costume") to J. Consequently, I'll be appearing as Betty Rubble. This will no doubt impress the job selection committee, some of whom are bound to be at the party. I guess it might make the decision easier, one way or another. I plan to show a fair bit of leg.


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