power and your snivelling demise, all for 50 pesos

Last Friday, Brother of Secret Wombat, E, B, D and I began the evening with a couple of quick cocktails at the Point Bar in Sabang (2 for the price of 1 from 5.30pm – 6.30pm).

We then caught a Jeepney to White Beach...

…where a concert was taking place.

We drank some Mindoro Slings…

…and were EXTREMELY fortunate to be presented with an opportunity to buy one of these.

“A sex toy!” you say, disapprovingly, like the joyless prude you are.

“No!” I say, “Get your filthy Freudian mind out of the gutter. It’s a…

”

“Hmmm,” you say, taken aback and more than a little embarrassed, “three colours in one!” You continue, with increasing dismay: “But…what…how…what does it do? FOR GOD’S SAKE, MAN – PLEASE TELL ME!!!”

“Calm down,” I say, perhaps a little smugly. It does…THIS!”

“Oooooh!” you say, swooning. In fact, you are unable to do anything but swoon.

“But wait,” I say, “there’s more!”

“MORE????” you yell, in a hysterical, cracking voice.

“Oh, yes. Were you not an intellectually barren cretin, you might have deduced – given the subtle hints that lie deep within this object's name – that it … FLASHES!”

You are now speechless – a helpless, quivering wreck. After several long minutes you fart out the few words of which you are capable: “It…it’s…such…a…a…” I cut you off, ANGRY at your weakness.

“Yes,” I say, quietly now, more to myself than the shameful, disgusting, undignified, pathetic mess blubbering at my feet. “You’re right. It is. It certainly is.”