secret wombat

The best, most brilliant thing EVER

2010-05-07T14:18:00.005+08:00

This came, along with a bunch of other less enticing offers, in the mail the other day. I have no idea where to even start with it. Click on it to get a bigger image. It's brilliant beyond words. I desperately want to know 1) Who are the people who buy these? and 2) Who are the people who make and sell them? I want to know SO I CAN OFFER MY ETERNAL THANKS. It may have been designed by a bikie Homer Simpson...though Homer would probably have been a little more understated.

Highlights? Every damn pixel is a highlight, but if I had to pick a top 5 (in no particular order -- you can't rank perfection):

Hanging "pipes" (What are these "pipes", really?).
Sculptural (??) motorcycle announces each hour!
$249.95 price tag (plus $14.99 postage & handling).
The fine print (left of the "Ride Hard, Live Free" pendulum): as all my readers would know, all the greatest works of art require 2 "D" and one "AA" battery (not included), and have sound effects which may be turned off. Da Vinci. Picasso. Monet. Dali. Take your pick -- none of their works operate without batteries.
The insistence that "Strong demand is expected...". Well, duh! Does the Pope shit in the woods?

The one thing I find just a tiny bit disappointing is that it's a little too minimalist. With a cunning design strategy, the artists could, I'm sure, have squeezed in a few more elements and symbols. Sure, an "artist's resin eagle", a sculptural motorcycle that announces each hour, a speedometer-design clockface, American eagle / Stars and Stripes / Chopper artwork, a "Ride Hard, Live Free" chrome-finish pendulum, hanging "pipes", and battery-powered excitement is quite a lot. But, somewhere deep down, I feel there could have been more.

Time of freedom. With this on your wall, you are, indeed, truly free.

Truth in advertising

2010-04-24T12:31:00.007+08:00

SW had a very nice time in the Philippines thank you very much. He feels now like he inhabits two very different world: Oz-world and Phil-world. In each, he has different lifestyles, different friends, different diets...quite possibly different personalities, but it's hard for him to tell. He likes this two-world dichotomy, and he also likes it when they cross over -- when friends from one visit the other.

Here's a photo of a banner ad (a real one, not a web one, banners used to be 3-dimensional) in Manila. I commend Dan Eric for truth in advertising, and for evidently paying his model handsomely in kind.

I'd also like to know what "reefer" means in the following context:

Presumably something different to the reefers popular in the highbrow movies made by Cheech & Chong. In case you can't read the sign, it says:

For sale and lease
20/40 ft reefers

All reefers must go! It's reefer madness!

The great bruschetta-off

2009-05-19T03:47:00.003+08:00

The food here is everything I'd hoped. If, in my bumbling-foreigner way, I'm choosing the poorer ristorante, trattoria and pizzeria, I can scarcely imagine what the good ones dish out.

Last night, I had good ol' tomato-and-basil bruschetta before a bloody divine spinach-and-ricotta ravioli in a sauce of sweet cherry tomatoes, zucchini and (I think) eggplant. The buschetta tasted rather similar to the one I make at home, which pleased and disappointed me simultaneously. Presumably this means I make a passable tomato-and-basil bruschetta. But, while I'm here, I want some kind of culinary transcendance, not confirmation.

Speaking of transcendance, I leave you with a piece of art I bought from some back-street Caravaggio near the Spanish Steps. Simply glorious. God onlyknows how somebody else didn't snap it up before I had the chance. It'll look divine on the bedroom wall back in Oz.

I call it "TomKat".

Someone ELSE is making a comeback too

2009-05-19T03:40:00.002+08:00

Yes, you heard it here first. Mark Latham is making a political comeback. You doubt? Here's the proof:

In the European Union elections, no less. He's changed his name to the picaresque "Roberto Gualtieri", but he can't fool me.

Ba-da-bing!

And you thought I'd lost it...

BACK!

2009-05-19T03:37:00.003+08:00

Awake.

(This, by the way, is the lovely little pad that's mine for 2 weeks in Rome.)

*sigh*

Charmingly life English DVD #5

2008-06-06T18:41:00.002+08:00

North American Chain-22 Action Movies!
(I LOVE North American Chain-22 Action Movies!)

Charmingly life English DVD #4

2008-05-23T18:29:00.002+08:00

Earthquake Magma Volcanic Disaster!
(Just in case you weren't sure what the theme was.)

Charmingly life English DVD #3

2008-04-17T19:40:00.002+08:00

Man of painful heaven!

NOT secret wombat...

2008-04-02T14:32:00.002+08:00

Arthur Cradock is either Satan personified or my own personal hero. I'm not sure which.

NZealand court sentences man after wombat rape claim
Thu Mar 27, 10:19 PM ET
WELLINGTON (AFP) - A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he had been raped by a wombat and the experience had caused him to start speaking "Australian".
Arthur Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker from Motueka on South Island, rang police on February 11 to say he was being raped by the slow moving Australian marsupial at his home, The Nelson Mail reported.

He rang back soon afterwards to say he was withdrawing his complaint against the wombat, a court was told Wednesday.

"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know," he told police in the second call.

Cradock pleaded guilty to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours community work.

Prosecutors said alcohol played a large part in Cradock's life, although his defence lawyer said he was not drunk on the afternoon of the phone calls.

Charmingly life English DVD #2

2008-03-27T08:41:00.001+08:00

Make track for the shot mutation ages!

The pirated DVD guide to English

2008-03-25T17:52:00.003+08:00

Lucky YOU! SW, with the help of the lovely D, is bringing you a NEW SERIES. On this very blog, over the next few weeks, we present to you covers of pirated DVDs* seen around the Philippines. Use them to improve your English!

*SW in no way endorses or purchases pirated DVDs!

Charmingly life English DVD #1

Denseness Love Classic Series 12 in 1!

Take two and call me in the morning

2008-03-06T18:49:00.003+08:00

I found this article by Barbara Rowlands in the The Independent utterly fascinating. The story reports on a study of the placebo effect, which turns out to be much more powerful than previously thought.

Last week an analysis of clinical trial data on modern antidepressants, carried out by Irving Kirsch, professor of psychology at the University of Hull, and his team, found that leading brands of antidepressants worked little better than placebos in all but the most depressed patients. Much of the reporting of the story concluded that antidepressants may be useless. But, interestingly, the study found that patients' response to placebos was "exceptionally large". So it wasn't so much that antidepressants didn't work but that placebos can work very well indeed.

The article mentions a 5-year-old study that

...found that not being told they were receiving morphine cut the effect of the pain relief on the patients in half. And only those who were told they were getting tranquillisers became calmer; those who received diazepam without being told got no relief whatsoever.

It also discusses the surgical (as opposed to pharmaceutical) placebo effect:

In 1959, an American cardiologist called Leonard Cobb conducted a trial on 17 patients who were due to undergo a common procedure used for angina, in which tiny incisions were made in the chest and knots tied in two arteries to try to increase the blood flow to the heart. When Cobb compared it to placebo surgery – he made incisions but did not tie the arteries – the sham operations proved just as successful.

The point made in the end, via a quote from "Dr Richard Kradin, a psychologist and physician at Massachusetts General Hospital, Boston, and associate professor at Harvard Medical School," is that

"As medical science became more scientific, there was a way in which it tended to eschew any contribution by the placebo effect – and that's a mistake. Doctors need to be aware that how they interact with their patients has a great deal to do with the outcomes they are going to get."

To me, this goes a long way to explaining why things like homeopathic "remedies" (which are mentioned in the article and, yes, the quote marks are supposed to indicate my skepticism) can garner such a following. The placebo effect is just as good, if not better, than real medicine in some cases. It also depends on what you believe. The story quotes Michael Hyland, professor of health psychology at the University of Plymouth: "If you are non-spiritual, you'd be much better off taking Prozac, which is not only largely placebo but is contextualised as a medical drug."

See Ben Goldacre's Bad Science blog for lots of stuff on homeopathy. I just went to that site to get the URL and was gratified to see he's mentioned the study, too, in a nicely titled post: All bow before the might of the placebo effect, it is the coolest strangest thing in medicine.

specifics

2008-03-05T19:28:00.004+08:00

Saw a sign on a jeepney the other day that said

Conserve Native Philippine Vertebrate Fauna!

I liked this and I wholeheartedly agree with the implications. Invertebrate fauna? Pfff! Flora? Bah! Vertebrate fauna? NOW you're talkin'.

And why say ... oh, I don't know ... "Conserve Native Animals"? Though that would mean all the arthropods and stuff. That would make a pretty cool slogan, actually: "Conserve Native Philippine Arthropods!" Then I'd take it seriously.

happy humbug

2008-01-22T17:53:00.000+08:00

I'm an atheist, but I have no problem wishing people "Merry Christmas". I enjoy Christmas. This is largely because I get on well with my family and the gathering, eating, drinking and merriment are fun. I'm happy to enjoy the cultural aspects without ascribing religion to the occasion. Maybe this is hypocritical -- I have no idea.

I have to say, though, that the American "Happy Holidays" grates on me. Some political correctness has its merits and should not be tarred with the condesencion that the term "politically correct" has come to imply. Some political correctness seems patrician and worse than the "crime" it's trying to counter.

This was reinforced as I boarded the plane to fly back to the Philippines from Bangladesh last December. The airline staff -- who were almost certainly Muslim -- wished me a Merry Christmas. I know Christ was a prophet of Islam, but as far as I know, "Merry Christmas" isn't a typical Muslim greeting (though I may be wrong). If members of a devoutly Islamic country are OK with "Merry Christmas", surely the majority of Americans can handle it?

coffee and mountains

2008-01-09T14:44:00.000+08:00

SW is BACK. So relaaaaaaaaax.

First, marketing. I understand the need to market a product. But I'm not the only person to feel that companies sometimes go a teensy-weensy bit over the top. Below is the text from the side of a bag of Figaro Classico coffee beans. Figaro is a Philippine coffee chain -- a la Starbucks etc, but in my opinion preferable if chains are the only available option (often the case in the Philippines). The main reason I think it's preferable is 1) it doesn't seem as evil as Starbucks (I realise that I haven't qualified that, but see here for PROOF that Starbucks is indeed evil); 2) While I'm living here, all things being equal, I 'd rather support a Philippine business over a US/multinational; and 3) I like the coffee better.

Anyway, here's the text:

An aromatic brew with a wisp of calm authority, this blend of the finest Philippine-grown coffee, hand-picked from the lush tropical mountains, was created by the country's top coffee connoisseurs. Conceived to exude quintessential civility, Figaro Classico was specially designed to provide coffee lovers with a brew so full-bodied that it wraps one's senses in a cloak of power, yet so smooth that one can happily enjoy cup after cup after cup.

Brave yet genteel,
Commanding yet so smooth...
welcome to the pleasure of
Figaro Classico

I don't know, but I tend to think if it was really all that, it would sell for more than $5 for 200 grams. And be illegal. And underscore a multi-trillion-dollar global drug industry. Shit, I REALLY like coffee. I need my coffee in the morning. I think coffee's important. But I'm yet to find a coffee that both exudes quintessential civility AND wraps my senses in a cloak of power.

Enough of that -- it's PHOTO TIME!!!*

SW and D, along with MG and KP, spent the Christmas/New Year break in the Philippine Cordillera -- a mountainous region in the north of Luzon, which is the big northern island that's also home to Manila and Los Baños, where D and I work. Here are a few shots; I'll post about the trip soon.

*Big thanks to MG for sorting a camera for me after I generously donated my previous one, plus my mobile phone, to a Manila taxi driver on the night of my birthday last November.

improving your bottom line

2007-11-08T10:27:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats small businesses with smutty names. Nothing. Whether it’s intentional or not, I’m significantly more likely to patronize your operation if its title is dripping in innuendo.

Here are a couple of excellent examples from Manila:

2.

I love that the guy seems to have caught me in my attempt to surreptitiously document his excellent work. Or maybe he reckons I'm a potential customer and is giving me a sly come-hither look.

the earth's sighs

2007-10-16T15:50:00.000+08:00

I know the bad-English-in-Asia thing has been done to death, but I find it FUNNY, damn it.

I took the following two examples from my China trip in August. Apologies for the crap photo quality.

Here's the room service menu from the Fengtai International Hotel in Fengtai City, Anhui Province, China (you'll probably need to click on the photo to make it large enough to read):

And here's a sign in the bathroom of my room at the same hotel:

And, no, I would NOT make the same mistakes if I wrote in Chinese, thank you very much.

rice, people. rice.

2007-10-04T18:31:00.000+08:00

The agricultural journalists' congress (the reason I was in Japan) was fun. Very few seminars, workshops etc – mostly visits to agricultural sites, organizations, farms etc. After 2 days in Tokyo, we headed northeast to Sendai City. From there we went on a 2 day agricultural tour the surrounding Southern Tohoku region.

I met some great people, but was also surprised at the narrow attitude of some of the participants. Most people were from Western Europe* and North America; for many, it was their first time to Japan (or, for that matter, Asia). I didn’t expect people to understand every nuance of Japanese culture (god knows I don’t, and I lived there for a year), but I thought at the very least they’d expect things to be a bit different to home. But on several occasions, I overheard conversations that implied that people were getting pissed off because things weren’t working as they expected (schedule changes, for example). We’re in a VERY different country, relying on translators, and there were a few hiccups. Who would’ve thought? And others whinged about the food, sneaking off to Starbucks and McDonalds when they had the chance.

Again – I don’t expect everyone to love all Japanese foods, and wanting some home comfort food is fair enough. But the attitude I sensed among some (and this was a small minority; most people had a ball) was not “Japanese food is very different, I’d like some more familiar food.” It was “Japanese food is shit, rice at every meal sucks, I want some REAL food.” Disappointing, people, disappointing. Thanks to MC, an ag journo from back home in Oz, with whom I discussed such things over late-ish night izakaya beers.

It was interesting too, seeing people start to understand the place of rice in the Japanese national psyche. Without viewing rice through a social/cultural/historical lens, it’s almost impossible to understand Japanese rice policies – e.g., paying farmers to keep 30% of their land out of rice cultivation but not really encouraging them to grow other crops on that 30%; 7-800% tariffs on imported rice (which is only imported because of obligation due to a trade agreement). But rice really is so ingrained (pun intended! HA! In-GRAINed! Geddit!?!) in the traditions and culture of Japan – and most other Asian countries – that if you simply view it in economic terms as an agricultural commodity, you can’t understand it. By the end of the week, people were starting to get it though. That’s not to say that they agreed with the policies, or that things can’t change. But in Japan, the “culture” component of agriculture should really be underlined, bolded and italicised - especially compared to, for example, Oz, which only has a couple of hundred (as opposed to thousands) of years of agriculture.

And, as always -- because I care -- here are some photos...

*There were a few Eastern Europeans too, and my hat goes off to the fattish, balding, moustachioed Ukrainian bloke who wore a skin-tight, shiny muscle shirt over his considerable torso. Fair play, fella:

honesty

2007-10-02T20:22:00.000+08:00

One of the things I love about Japan is the inherent honesty of the Japanese. I know one should be wary of painting an entire people as exhibiting one or the other characteristic. But I’ve never

been anyplace else where, if you forget something – a phone, a camera, a wallet – you’re almost guaranteed to get it back.

In Kochi, D, who I met through TR, told me how she and group of friends went to the Fuji rock festival. Two of her friends lost mobile phones during the event. Tens of thousands people, music, mud, booze…DANCING!...etc. By the end of the festival, both of them had their phones back. One was taken to lost property; the other was returned after the finder called a couple of numbers in the phone and found the owner’s friends. I once left my address book on a public phone in Kochi City train station. I had no mobile phone; all my friends’ details were in there. A week later, I was passing through the station again, checked lost property and, sure enough, it was there.

So I was talking to E, one of the Australian participants at the congress, telling her about how honest Japan was. Half an hour later, being the thorough, scientific type I am, I decided to test the theory. I found a public phone in a street near my hotel (demonstrating my razor intelligence by walking past the three public phones in the lobby) and made a couple of calls. I sat the little conference bag we’d got at dinner on the phone-box shelf and put my camera* in it, saying to myself “don’t forget that, you big KRAZY idiot ha ha ha!”

So I forgot it.

Left the phonebox, went to a shop to buy a drink, wandered back to my hotel room. As soon as I entered the room, I realised what I’d done. Rushed back to the phone box. Bag + camera gone, young woman on phone. Entered SEVERE self-flagellation mode. Hung around phone waiting for woman to finish so I could ask her if she’d seen anything. Woman took AGES – surmised she’d seen a big dodgy foreigner hanging around outside the box and was too scared to leave. Entered restaurant next to phonebox, asked if anyone had brought the bag in there. No. Went and checked shop where I bought drink. No. Went back to phone, woman still in phonebox. Probably calling police by now.

Next, a guy who was in the restaurant emerged and, speaking decent English, told me there was a police station a couple of minutes down the road; I could go and report the loss to them. At that moment, three policemen were cycling up the footpath (I get the feeling they don’t have all that much to keep them busy in Japan). Restaurant guy explained what happened and the police led me back to the station. Still self-flagellating, I filled out a form, giving my contact details and a description of what I’d left. I finished this, handed the form to one of the cops. He thanked me, walked into the back of the station and returned with the bag, camera still in it. Somebody had already found it and taken it to the police. Very happy.

Footnote: the next night, I forgot the fucking camera again. This time I left it at the conference venue, so was confident from the outset I’d get it back (which I did), but I managed to waste a taxi ride and be late meeting MW, with whom I self-deprecated over beer and sake in a very nice little izakaya, randomly chosen as we walked along the street:

*camera = camera I bought 4 weeks earlier in Hong Kong airport on way back to the Phils from China. I paid about US$480; the same camera in Japan cost $300. Clearly, I had a subconscious desire to lose the camera and re-buy it at the cheaper price, thus saving myself $180. It’s a fucking wonder I’m not rich.

life's a peach

2007-10-01T10:02:00.000+08:00

This is the peach I paid almost US$5 for in Japan (480 yen, to be exact), when I was there a couple of weeks ago. I went for work – the annual congress of an international agricultural journalists organization.

I’m not an agricultural journalist. Some of what I do borders on agricultural journalism. But the main reason I got a guernsey was that the people who would’ve ordinarily gone were unavailable. It’s the first time the congress was held in Asia, and the organisers wanted my employer to sponsor the event by way of sending a delegate to chair a seminar session on rice. Their first choice was the chair of work’s board of trustees, an internationally renowned agricultural economist, from Japan. He couldn’t go, so they asked my boss. He couldn’t go, so he suggested me. It’s a bit like trying to organize a tennis exhibition from, say, Pat Rafter, and getting a guy who had a 50% record in his high-school team instead. But the participants didn’t know that…

Anyway. It was a good excuse to, on the weekend preceding the conference, pop down to my old stomping ground, Kochi Prefecture, and catch up with the indomitable TR, still there since we first arrived in July 2000.

I feel incredibly at home in Kochi, almost to the same extent as I feel at home in Oz. TR maintains a direct connection to the glory days of 00/01; I guess if he headed home to Eng-er-land, Kochi wouldn’t feel quite the same. My 13 months in Japan marked me for life, though. I have a tremendous affection for the country. As a foreigner, I probably escape, to some extent, the more trying aspects of culture (the pressure to work excessively springs immediately to mind). But I associate Japan in general and Kochi in particular with perhaps the most delightfully surprising, eye-opening and fun year of my adult life.

Why did I stay for only 1 year? Career anxiety. I was 28, had no career, knew that teaching English in Japan wouldn’t be my career, and my feet itched to get home and get something going. Which I did, but I know now that another year wouldn’t have made a jot of difference. It might have changed the precise direction I took, but not the progress.

Anyway. The peach. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t dream of paying $5 for a peach. But Japanese peaches tend to be good and I don’t get stone fruit in the Philippines. I wandered back and forth between a couple of fruit shops before I bought it, formulating the justification. Then I bought it, snuck off to a public bench and devoured it in all its succulent gorgeousness. It occurred to me it was one of those instances that speaks of understanding the price but not the value of things. It was a substantial peach, it was fucking delicious, and it was a hell of a lot healthier than any number of $5 snacks I could have bought without having to justify the price. But, in Oz, peaches just don’t cost 5 bucks, so I had to talk myself into it.

This is the stage where TR’s band headlined a local music festival, Local Motion, on the Sunday I was in Kochi. TR, his bandmates and a few others organised the whole thing to showcase and promote Kochi music. The typhoon that hit Taiwan and Shanghai last month threatened to dump enough rain to kill the event. The BMX and skateboard stuff was cancelled, but, almost miraculously, the rain held off for the music. Despite the weather keeping the numbers down, the atmosphere was sweet and the music worked really well. Brilliant weekend.

(A tragic footnote – the next day, around the time I was boarding the plane to head back to Tokyo, R, an American guy I’d met a few times when I lived in Kochi, who was still living there, headed out into the typhoon swell to surf the local river-mouth break, not far from the festival venue. He wasn’t so experienced, got into trouble and never made it back. A group of schoolkids who saw the commotion on the beach came out to look; one of them fell into the river, was washed out and drowned also.)

vicar, actress, matron etc.

2007-09-10T16:11:00.000+08:00

Thanks to TJ, who took the photo, I am proud to present some double entendre, courtesy of some maintenance going on at work at the moment. Bawdy innuendo is certainly not absent in Filipino humour (thank goodness for that, I hear you sigh, in recognition of the genre as the highest plane of comedy), though I'm not sure if this was a deliberate attempt to invoke the spirit of Benny Hill. Whatever! Just read it and titter, people.

look at the scoreboard, baby

2007-09-05T18:48:00.000+08:00

VERY quickly, because I need to shop at Souths and get to Joe's @ LB for Wed night dinner and bouncy mashed spud.

Reading Dawkins's comments about the direction of the global Zeitgeist (the spirit of the time, another great German word), it occurred to me that this is pretty good evidence that the progressive left (if we have to give a label, and I'd count myself as fitting in that box) IS right, and the conservative right is wrong. Why? Because the Zeitgeist moves in a progressive direction. When you compare our moral and ethical standards NOW with those of 50, 100, 1000 years ago, we are clearly more accepting, less prejudiced, less violent, less divisive, etc. Yes, there's still a lot of improvement to be made, and, no, not all the ills that were accepted in the past can be said to belong exclusively to the likes of Howard and Bush. But it can't be denied that things have moved in progressive, liberal (in the general, not Australian-politics specific, sense) direction.

The runs are on the board, people. If you think in a progressive way, you think in the way things have played out. You're right. We're right. Despite temporary setbacks (Howard, Bush), we WIN.

So there.

hierarchy

2007-09-03T17:20:00.000+08:00

One major difference between China and the Philippines, which I noticed while on the work component of my trip last week: the relative lack of social hierarchy and apparent relative egalitarianism. I've dulled this statement with qualifying words (relative, apparent) because I acknowledge its based on the observations of somebody who's pretty ignorant of Chinese culture and history.

Obviously there's some social stratification in China, but it seemed on the surface that it doesn't run as deep as the very stratified Philippines. My guess is that Chinese communism has played a significant role in this, but -- having no real knowledge of contemporary China (beyond what I read in newspapers and on websites, and what I saw last week), and no knowledge of pre-cultural revolution China -- I offer grains of salt to anybody who reads this.

First, I didn't see any of the extremes of wealth and poverty that are easy to find in the Philippines. That may be because wealth in China is indeed more evenly distributed, or it could be because I just didn't happen to see it in my 9 days there, or that the Chinese government (which blocks access to blogger, by the way) is better at sweeping it under the proverbial. Having said that, there was plenty of evidence of unshared personal wealth, particularly in the form of large, new European cars (especially black Audis). No doubt plenty has been written on China's current economic phenomenon, and to what extent the country's increasing wealth is being shared around. I shall add nothing to that body of knowledge.

Second, our driver sat in the same room, at the same table as the rest of us -- scientists, local communist party officials, token foreigner (me), local agricultural businesspeople. Not only did he eat with us, he toasted and was toasted by everyone else*, and chatted with everyone (except me, because we didn't share any language beyond "cheers"). In an equivalent situation in the Philippines, the driver would almost never join the professionals at meals. More than likely, he'd get a meal allowance of a couple of dollars and head off to a much cheaper place to eat alone or with the other drivers, if there are more than one.

*Our driver also didn't touch a drop of alcohol, which -- given he was the driver and considering the effects of the local liquor -- made him my own personal hero.

And -- because I still care -- here's another photo from the Forbidden City in Beijing:

...and I shall be thinner in the morning...oh, wait, that doesn't work.

2007-08-29T18:29:00.000+08:00

SW is back in the Philippines after a very interesting first visit to China. The holiday component was excellent -- thanks to AD, SD, BS and EF. The work component went well and every single person I met was welcoming and friendly.

A few memorable moments, in no particular order:

1) On Beijing subway:

Chinese woman says to me, totally out of the blue: “I don’t think you play any sports. Because you have a very big belly.”
Me: Uh…thanks.
Her: When I look at it I think of a baby inside it!
Me: Uh…I DO play sports. I just eat a lot too.
Her: You should exercise because you are handsome, but your belly is big.”
Me: I DO exercise!

NOTE: for any of you who don’t know me, I’m actually very svelte. It’s true that, in the wrong light and at the wrong angle, it might APPEAR that my belly does protrude a little more than one would expect given my athletic stature. Note also that it was just after a big breakfast and, as a large man (6’5”; 195 cm), I NEED to eat a lot. Not that any of you little people out there would know. Or care. At around 100 kg, I sit right on the upper end of the healthy range of the body mass index, I’ll have you know. Yet you teeny weeny fools would have me get by on a couple of dry crackers and a carrot. Exile’s too good for you. And I DO exercise most days, too.

MOST OF ALL NOTE THAT SHE SAID I WAS HANDSOME.

2) Being forced to skull little glasses of this LETHAL Chinese spirit (50+% alc/vol; I saw one bottle that was 56%) at dinners AND lunches. The custom is to show respect by cheers-ing people around the table and downing the booze. My compromise was that I’d only have a couple of shots of the hard stuff and then stick to beer. It was weird getting tipsy every day at work lunches.

3) The spitting (more of a lowlight really). I know one must be open minded etc in other cultures and, consequently, I can more or less handle the spitting in the street (and the attendant hocking up of phlegm that precedes the spit). But I really struggled with the spitting onto floors in restaurants. Only a couple of guys did this, each at a different lunch. We’d be sitting there, then a cough, then turn 45 degrees and spit past the waitress onto the floor. The second day it happened, the floor was carpeted too (which somehow makes it seem worse).

4) Trying turtle (not a highlight, really, but memorable). They were cooked and served whole; you pulled the carapace off and dug around for the edible bits inside. The meat really did taste like chicken. Really. It seemed to me like a lot of work (each of us was given a clear plastic glove to help us pull it apart to eat it) for little reward. Admittedly, I just ate the meat (about a teaspoon’s worth I reckon) and left the innards alone, being the softcore person I am when it comes to innards.

5) At the same lunch, the carpet spitting guy drinking so much of the liquor that he threw up at the table as we were finishing up (not technically a highlight, either).

6) The tofu in the city of Fengtai (Anhui Province), renowned for its tofu. I like some forms of tofu, but not all (not so keen on the really spongy and really sloppy stuff). I wouldn’t by any means call myself a tofu freak. But the tofu in Fengtai – several different varieties – was awesome.

And, because I care, here is a photo I took in the Forbidden City in Beijing:

thoughts from yestermonth

2007-08-15T18:52:00.000+08:00

Ah, the urgent impulses of youth. Flicking through a notebook I used on my trip to Vietnam and Laos in May this year, I found the below. I'm not sure why, somewhere in northern Vietnam on May 5, I was thinking this, but:

May history judge John Howard as a man (not a leader) who fiddled around at the edges of of an economy that was perfectly capable of governing itself; as a man who single-handedly squandered the greatest opportunity our nation ever had to progress technologically, to embrace our human neighbours, and to lay the foundations of a truly great and prosperous nation.

Reading it now, I'd edit it pretty heavily. It's hyperbole, the last bit sounds too nationalistic for my liking, and it could probably be shot down by a well-informed tory, but the sentiment stands.

Off to Beijing tomorrow to hang with AD, SD, BS and EF before scampering headfirst into the world of aerobic rice.

ooooh, aren't we serious today...

2007-08-10T16:22:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've told several people they should have a look at Hans Rosling's presentations at the TED conferences, which are held annually in California. (Thanks to another wombat-related blogger for alerting me to these in the first place.) As it says on the TED website:

As a doctor and researcher, Hans Rosling identified a new paralytic disease induced by hunger in rural Africa. Now the global health professor is looking at the bigger picture, increasing our understanding of social and economic development with the remarkable trend-revealing software he created.

There are two talks you can watch (links below). Both address Rosling's ideas about 1) improving information itself by improving the way it's presented, and 2) misconceptions about how the international development sector categorizes and looks at the "developing" versus the "developed" world, and how these misconceptions stand in the way of effective development. The videos seem to work very well (not sure if that stands for dial-up connections) and if I had any idea whatsoever about the technology I'm sure I'd dazzle people by explaining how they've wisely chosen a thingamy platform to optimise the data stuff. Then I'd throw in a snide comment about some other competing technology. Then you'd respect me.

There aren't too many talks on statistics that make the hair stand up on the back of my neck, but these did:

Hans Rosling shows the best stats you've ever seen

Hans Rosling reveals new insights on poverty

a familiar theme / broken record / deal with it / etc.

2007-08-09T19:07:00.000+08:00

Rigid office hours really don't suit me. I can say that because, like most days, I'm here in the orifice past 7PM, despite not being insanely busy just now. Most days, I arrive around 8.45AM. I try to make it by 8.30AM (but usually fail), my revised official start time. Work's official office hours are 8AM-5PM with an hour for lunch (no cushy 7hrs 21min bludge-offs here in the Philippines, people). Because I was always at least 30min late anyway, my boss graciously offered me official hours of 8.30-5.30.

Often, my long hours are a result of crap time management at work: a lot of procrastination followed by self-flagellation around mid-afternoon, then some genuine work for a few hours; before I know it, it's after 7PM and I'm pissed off. I have periods when I'm genuinely very busy (often as a result of too much procrastination when a deadline wasn't looming) and I need to put in longer hours. That's fine, I can deal with that. What shits me to tears is when I spend long hours but I'm not nearly busy enough to justify them.

Part of the reason for my poor time management (apart from my ill-disciplined, weltschmerz-fuelled professional existence) is that, being a "writer/editor", I'm supposed to write and edit. It seems that, often, I'm only capable of doing that in fits and spurts. (I'm sure I'm not alone here.) So being confined to a rigid 8-hour work structure just doesn't work.

I can counter this to some extent by working from home occasionally. Without the typical procrastination tools (I have no internet connection at home; you extrapolate), and without the distractions of the office, I'm a hell of a lot better at just doing it, if I can use that phrase without Nike suing me.

What I'd really love, though, is a job where I'm judged purely on productivity, not on appearing to be productive by being plonked in an office in front of a computer 8+ hours a day. Output not input. Such work structures do of course exist -- I've heard that Google programmers have no set hours, and are regarded only by what they produce.

There are realities one can't scape: meetings, management responsibilities etc. And there can be many positives about being among co-workers (not necessarily for 40 hours a week, mind you). But, on the whole, if I could work whenever I wanted -- within certain limits, I'll grant -- I think I'd be happier and more productive (I acknowledge there may be unseen pitfalls). Better for me, better for my employer; everyone kicks a goal etc etc. I imagine I'd still be in the office 20 of my 40 hours each week -- I'd simply be more effective and motivated when I was there.

It won't happen of course. I can't think of any good reasons why not. I can think of plenty of reasons that would be offered, but none that I couldn't refute convincingly.

I HAVE been to Bali too

2007-08-03T15:36:00.000+08:00

A couple of weeks ago (13-21 July), D, K and I visited Indonesia for the first time last week. DH has been living in Jogja(Jogya?Yogya?Yogja?...I'll opt for the phonetic version)karta for the last 4 years, and MG is in Jogja learning Indonesian as part of his masters. We all met in Bali for a few days and then headed across to Jogja.

Bali was lovely – my only image of it, apart from surf and bombs, was of drunken aussie yobs. But there are a lot of options and it turned out very easy to avoid the yobs. Went to an increasingly famous bar/restaurant/club named ku de ta. It's perched right on the beach, full of tanned bodies and big deck-chair-style lounges. The sort of place I’d think was pretentious wankery and where I’d feel totally out of place and nowhere near hip enough if it was in Sydney, but on the beach in Bali it was worked for me. Amazing cocktails – eg “grilled pineapple and cracked pepper martini” (v good) and the best bloody mary I ever tried, made from “juice of slow-roasted tomatoes”. Good food too. This is the place by day:

Had one night in Ubud, little town in the hills. V touristy but nice feel, lovely accommodation and some v good food. DH took D and I on a beautiful wander through rice paddies in hills just above the town:

Jogjakarta was excellent, due in large part to having DH there to host us. Fantastic house, designed by one of Indonesia's most eminent environmental architects, in a village only 20 min out of the city. AND rent-free. Not sure how he does it, but this sort of stuff just happens to DH. Several times, D or I cruised around as a passenger on the back of his 1200cc Harley – which he ended up with after a friend sold it to him cheap because he (original owner) was desperate for cash.

I loved cruising round the city on the little 100cc scooter -- it was automatic, ridiculously easy to drive and comfortable at, oooh, 60km/h, which produced plenty of excitement for me. But I was shitscared (in a retrospectively fun way) on the occasions Dave semi-opened up the Harley while I was on the back (including weaving between cars and trucks on the road into the airport). I am really a very long way from hardcore.

Typically, I was very untouristy (sometimes to D's frustration) – most of my travel these days revolves around hanging out, chatting, eating and drinking. I’m more interested in getting a feel for a place (which is an attempt at sounding credible by euphemising "hanging out, chatting, eating and drinking") and catching up with friends, than traipsing around historical sites etc. Or maybe I’m just lazy. Whatever. Pour me some wine.

BA Baracus

2007-08-01T18:59:00.000+08:00

Suffering a bout of Blog Apathy (BA...geddit?) at the moment. Not intended to be a protracted state of affairs (so the dozen or so people who read this can rest eeeeeaaaassssy).

Anyway. These days, Wednesday night is JOE'S night! So it ain't all bad.

ill-informed comment on Australian politics, mostly because it's been so long since I posted...

2007-07-26T14:39:00.000+08:00

I'm less and less enamoured with Kevin Rudd as a potential PM (not that I was ever all that enamoured with him in the first place) -- he really does seem to be eerily similar to Howard on way too many fronts. At best, I guess this is purely an election strategy: he has a good chance of taking votes from Howard and, even if he does alienate the "progressives", their votes are still extremely unlikely to end up going to the Libs. The problem is, if it is the "at-best option" of just doing whatever's necessary to get elected (implying he really is different to Howard), what happens if it works? Does he then renege on things he said during the election campaign? Or are we stuck with Howard-lite?

hammock with a view

2007-06-25T14:34:00.000+08:00

Just back from a week on Siquijor Island with D, Mexican-German C, and mother and father of SW. More soon, I imagine, but for now I simply offer a summary of the week:

Plus, here's a completely unrelated photo I took on January 20, for a photography course I did in Manila. This is sunset over Manila bay (minus the smell that wafts in when the wind is onshore). This was taken with work's Nikon D70 (digital SLR), not my poxy little pocket point-and-shoot.

either/or

2007-06-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

Photo taken in Easter 2006 at White Beach, Puerto Galera, Mindoro, Philippines. I didn't get a glitter tattoo, or have a tattoo erased (no tats for SW yet). I just liked the strict rules regarding how one could arrange a session at the place.

tax me, baby

2007-05-30T18:13:00.000+08:00

Sweden has legislated something like 18 months of paid maternity/paternity leave (which can be split between the two parents). I can’t be bothered researching the exact details, but it’s something like that. No, I just checked on Wikipedia (NEVER wrong); I was right. Sweden has the luxury of these sorts of social programs because it’s a rich country with high taxes and a small population. Given that

Sweden

is lucky enough to be wealthy, this seems to me like an absolutely acceptable tradeoff. Many countries – especially those that are not rich and have large populations – would find it impossible to offer such programs. But Australia (rich, low population) could.

The Sweden baby-leave idea makes me wonder if, with higher taxes, a country like Australia could switch to a 4-day working week. This idea would no doubt be met with howls of derision and protest from the business sector and most politicians. But it’s well established that above a certain pretty basic level of material wealth (a level long ago surpassed by most Australians), there’s very little, if any, correlation between money and happiness (see Clive Hamilton’s Growth Fetish, for example.

Think of all the worthwhile, life-enriching pursuits you could engage in with an extra day off each week. But of course many such activities aren’t really recognized as all that worthwhile – after all, how can an activity possibly have value if someone doesn’t pay you for it?

Would I (if I returned to live in Australia, which I likely will do soonish) accept less money for a perpetual 3-day weekend? Abso-fucking-lutely.

enhance THIS

2007-05-25T18:33:00.000+08:00

It is true that Asian women don't have a reputation for having the biggest arses on Earth. For some, that's a good thing. But others want more. More BUM. Just as for breasts, you can now get bum enhancement (where enhancement = euphemism for enlargement) surgery. OR, you can simply pick one of these up at the department store:

Ah, yes. Two for the price of one? I'm all for it -- personally, I usually stick a pair of socks down the front of my jocks when I hit the town. Tennis socks, though -- not those thick woolly things. I'm not crass.

Photo courtesy of the delightful CC.

G’day cobber owya garn flat out like a lizard drinkin’ etc etc

2007-05-21T15:33:00.000+08:00

I’ll probably come across as an elitist snob with this, but here goes…

A German work colleague recently told me he thought I seemed more European than Australian. While I’m not in the least ashamed of being Australian per se (though I am ashamed of quite a few things that Australians and “Australia” have done), nor did I take my friend’s comment as an insult (nor was it intended as such). I felt it somewhat complimentary.

I know a lot of wonderful expat Aussies, but I also regularly encounter Australians who make me cringe. Some are obvious – the loud, drunk yobbo stereotype. Some are not so obvious (and the cringing not so severe) and are generally people I like. But I’ve noticed a tendency – especially when there are several Aussies in a group of mixed nationalities – to be a bit overbearing with “Aussie culture”. The Oz culture clichés (which are partly truthful, as tends to be the case with clichés) tend to fly a bit thicker and faster in such groups. Or maybe they fly just as thick and fast (i.e., maybe they are really representative of “Oz”) when it’s just a bunch of Australians sitting around by themselves, but they’re more noticeable when there are non-Australians present. The tall-poppy knocking, the knockabout brashness, giving each other shit, the antiauthoritarianism, etc. And there is much (from my point of view) to like about these traits, but I sometimes get a sense that Aussies – whether consciously or not – play them up for the crowd.

The other thing that makes me cringe is when the Aussie clique gets enmeshed in Aussie in-jokes (including Aussie vernacular, some of which is rarely or never actually used by Australians at home) that the non-Aussie contingent has no hope of understanding. In-jokes that exclude a group of people are at best rude or thoughtless and at worst cruel, in any context.

My discomfort with all this may have more to do with me than the other Australians. I guess I tend to be a bit self-conscious and self-analytical. Maybe my countryfolk are simply being themselves and I’m just too uptight to do the same. Still, to me it smacks of this naïve desire that much of Australia (including some of mainstream political, media and corporate Australia, as well as portions of the Oz community at large) has to be recognised and/or liked by people from other countries. This was exemplified when Steve Irwin died. One of the biggest stories I saw the say after it happened was the presentation of all the front pages around the world that featured the Croc Hunter’s untimely demise. It was in part documentation of how phenomenally famous and popular he was – and as such was legitimate reporting. But it also seemed to cry out: “HE WAS AN AUSSIE! WE’RE DOWN HERE! YOU KNOW US! YOU LIKE US! (You do, don’t you???)”

So, having presented myself as a culturally cringing, snobbish, elitist wanker, where did D and I eat on Saturday night? Where else but: THE OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE. I played golf at a fancy-schmancy club as part of a fundraising drive for a charity. (I know what you’re thinking: you arsehole, playing an elitist, rich person’s sport in a country marked by severe and widespread poverty, how can you look at yourself in the mirror etc etc – BUT IT WAS FOR WORTHY CAUSE, PEOPLE. That, and I actually really really enjoy golf, damnit. There, it’s out.) On one hole, by hitting the ball closer to the hole than my playing partners, I won a THOUSAND-PESO (around USD$20/AUD$25) VOUCHER FOR THE OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE. It so happened that D and I met after golf near said eatery and decided we may as well use the voucher.

Now, while the Outback can’t hold a candle to the Big Oz (may it rest in peace), it IS filled with LOADS of tacky Australiana. The staff are dressed like Steve Irwin (plus dozens of badges and brooches depicting all things Oz), there are prints of famous Oz paintings (e.g. Tom Roberts’s Shearing the rams), photos of iconic Aussie landmarks, Aboriginal prints, boomerangs and other paraphernalia (tacky at best; exploitative at worst) etc etc. All this in a US-owned and –created chain. Pure gold, people.

To give you a sense of the TRUE-BLUE DINKY DI Oz ambience, here are some poorly taken shots of the toilet doors (poorly taken in part because I’m socially savvy enough to know that being caught taking photos of public toilets is not a good look):

GEDDIT?? Blokes and sheilas! Instead of men and women! So quirky, so Oz.

And that quintessential Oz ambience was heightened by:

1) The TVs showing the English Premier League matches; and

2) The promo girls and guy who came in dressed in saucy “winter” clothes (i.e. tight skimpy dresses and fur-lined boots and hoods – at least the women were dressed so; the guy just had a T-shirt and jeans) promoting some brand of breath-freshener mint that promised to ward off that stale morning breath. They circulated the restaurant, stopping at each table to explain the wondrous properties of the product and offer a free sample. You can see what I mean here:

Exactly what D and I wanted at our secluded Outback Steakhouse dinner for two. When we proffered a “no thanks” before they started their spiel, one of the women held out the free sample. Our second “no thanks” was met with this somewhat confused “But…it’s free…?!?”

I then lamented to D about the apparently unstoppable convergence of marketing and branding upon people’s daily lives and the importance of public and private spaces where we’re not confronted with mass consumerism. But, expecting that sort of freedom – as opposed to the freedom to choose the most attractively marketed breath-freshening mint – in a place that has “blokes” and “sheilas” on its toilet doors was probably naïve.

FOOTNOTE

After the golf, I was in the change room putting on fresh clothes. There was a youngish man next to me (around my age, I’d say – early-mid 30s) doing the same thing. I noticed he had a tattoo (of a butterfly) on his left calf. This made me think he was unlikely to be very socially conservative (this doesn’t necessarily hold true, but I reckon it’s a reasonable assumption). Which made what I witnessed next seem all the more astounding (again, this observation is assumption-laden, but…deal with it). The youngish man painstakingly tucked his shirt into his undies (white briefs). He then painstakingly got hold of two points at the bottom hem of the shirt and pulled it through each undie leg. To help you understand, I’ve skilfully drawn a complex and technical schematic:

Maybe I’m way out of touch and most people do this. It sure as hell insures against one’s shirt coming untucked in public AND SOMETHING MORE IGNOMINIOUS I CANNOT IMAGINE. And I’m in no way condemning – this if it feels good and doesn’t hurt other people, I say go for it. I’m just struggling to comprehend quite how it could feel good.

guts

2007-05-16T15:56:00.000+08:00

SW is wading through the molasses lake of the hundreds of putrid emails that accumulated while away in Melbourne (science journo conference), Tilba (L-N wedding), and Vietnam and Laos (work trip, looking at rice farms (who wouldn't?).

Several unrelated thoughts:

1) I've decided the only form of communication I actually like is face-to-face conversation. All others stress me out (phone, txt, email, chat...).

2) I had some wonderful food in Vietnam and Laos. I was also presented with several things that I took pains to avoid. Most meals (especially in Vietnam) were organised by our local hosts. Some were delicious, but true provincial cuisine tends to include quite a few dishes that contain blood/guts/giblets/intestines/offal/innards etc etc. I confess to having delicate sensibilities with regard to such offerings. Much of it's psychological, I'm sure. Much of it's also texture-related. My problem with many of these foods is the texture not the taste. I also struggle with the strong fishy/shrimpy taste in some Asian foods. Yet I love anchovies. Life's rich tapestry etc.

3) The Philippines had its mid-term elections on Monday. Almost all elected positions from local to national government were being contested, except for president and vice president. I'll take the liberty of simply pasting in Lone Gopher's summary here:

Just a short report from the midterm elections here in the Philippines that took place today. I was watching one of the local news channels to get some info on who won. Well, the results are not finished yet, but what I did find out was that a chief of police reported that he thought that they had been able to show the international observers that the elections where relatively peaceful. So far 191 poll related acts of violence resulting in 114 deaths of whom 11 were candidates.

There's also an interesting BBC piece on some of the political quirks of the Philippines.

4) I can't believe the land that some people are forced to farm to eke out a subsistence living. I'd avoid simply walking up these hills once -- the idea of farming them all year round boggles my mind. Here's an example:

The land on these slopes has been cleared for farming. There's a crop (maize I think) planted in the area to the right. (Not the green patch in the upper right area -- the plants there are weeds. The crop is in the lower right, much more sparsely spaced.) The yields are predictably terrible on land like this. As I sit here in an air-conditioned orifice, it makes me think twice about whinging about my job. BUT IT WON'T STOP ME, DAMN IT.

A risk assessment of global warming

2007-05-15T18:36:00.000+08:00

I have no formal knowledge of risk assessment – but I know someone who once took a risk. Ah, yes, I jest. Very funny, but what does it all mean? I’m glad you asked. It is true that I’ve never studied the idea of risk assessment in any formal way, and my knowledge is limited to our innate capacity to assess risks and make decisions based on perceived outcomes. Humans in general aren’t necessarily great at this. I think we’re probably OK on basic tasks, like crossing the street, but we also tend to be scared of things that pose very little danger (airplanes, sharks, kamikaze sharks piloting airplanes, etc) and relaxed about things that might warrant a more circumspect approach (driving while drunk – I’ve heard it happens – and smoking are the first examples that pop into my mind, though there must be better ones).

Back to the issue at hand. Climate change. Global warming. I’m talking specifically here about the way my beloved Prime Minister, John Howard (and his ilk), is tackling the problem. That is, he isn’t really. Beyond a bit of lip service and some heavy investment in the coal industry’s communications strategy, his main thrust is that – as Ian Lowe put it recently – preserving the current state of the economy is more important than saving the world. (And Howard’s argument is spurious – there’s a raft of studies showing that, overall, moving to a low-emission economy would stimulate rather than retard and/or that the failure to move to a low-emission economy would be disastrous…this is where I should spend some time finding links to sources that support this statement, but I can’t be bothered – but the reports do abound, including the Stern Review and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change assessment reports).

So. (This is an oversimplification, but hopefully it makes my point.) There are two main camps in the global warming debate: 1) the Lowes, who say that unless we make some major changes, there’s going to be a whole shitload of trouble so we better do something NOW; and 2) The Howards, who say that the jury’s still out and maybe it’s not going to be a big deal, so let’s just sit for a while so we don’t put our glorious economy at risk.

OK. There are four possible scenarios here (in an oversimplified way, but stick with me):

There WILL be a-trouble, and we DO act (not desirable – of course it would be better if we didn’t have climate change – but we have a chance to sort it out).
There WILL be a-trouble, and we DON’T act (disastrous).
There WON’T be a-trouble, and we DO act (not bad, potentially very good).
There WON’T be a-trouble, and we DON’T act (status quo – you be the judge of whether that’s good or bad).

So, of those four scenarios, three are acceptable (1, 3, 4). One (2) is disastrous.

Let’s look at scenario 3. This is the worst-case scenario if the vast majority of the planet’s climate scientists (what would they know about something they’ve spent most of their lives studying, I ask you; clearly we should defer decisions to politicians and business leaders) are wrong, but we choose to act on the chance they’re right. That is, we’ll end up with a much more energy-efficient economy that doesn’t rely on finite resources of polluting fossil fuels. Maybe there’ll be a few economic humps and bumps, but there’s a very strong case that it will be economically very beneficial to invest heavily in renewable energy technologies (not that making money should be the primary reason, but it almost always bloody-well is, and it also raises the question of why GDP-obsessed folk like Howard would risk missing the boat here).

Now look at scenario 2. This is the worst-case scenario if the scientists are indeed correct and we sit around wanking our engorged economic egos instead of trying to fix things. That is, we’re pretty-well fucked.

So – and correct me if I’m wrong; I did mention that I have no formal knowledge – doesn’t a basic risk assessment suggest we should actually try REALLY FUCKING HARD to do something?

There’s an irrational part of my brain that wants climate change to kick in damn fast and damn strong and sweep us all the way to hell, just to prove Howard et al. wrong. But I recognize that this would be the most pyrrhic of all victories.

the case of the tall ugly bus driver

2007-04-26T14:03:00.000+08:00

SW is enjoying being back in Oz, despite the notable prevalence of rules and regulations (which are actually enforced) compared to the Philippines. For example, being forbidden to take a glass of bubbly 2 metres outside the Melbourne Aquarium, when M, my former boss, and went outside so M could have a smoke. On balance, I think the rules and regulations probably have a net positive effect. But many, many seem petty and blindly administered regardless of context. Each of these may not equal anything more than the tiniest, inconsequential infringement of civil liberty, but they have a cumulative effect -- to some extent on freedom, but, I think, the more serious issue is that they drain society of its humanity.

NB: the below includes generalisations; there are always exceptions etc etc.

I do love returning to a less hierarchical society, though. After 3.5 years in the Philippines, I notice things in Oz that I previously took for granted. Last thursday, conference attendees were bussed from the conference venue to the Victorian governer's residence for a la-di-da farewell drinks/nibbles shindig. We had to leave bags on the buses, but I needed to leave early to meet friends. I asked the driver if I'd be able to get back on to retrieve my bag. He said he'd be somewhere nearby, just ask for the "tall ugly bloke." I told him I could be described the same way (I was joking of course -- tall, indeed; ugly, ha!). It was superficial banter, we both had a friendly chuckle and I headed into the drinks. What struck me though was that: 1) I, as a "professional" (the quote marks indicate the wank I'd like to be attached to that word), didn't see him as somehow lower in social status (this isn't what struck me -- I hope that I'd never think that way); and 2) he didn't in anyway think himslef lower in status. In the Phils, as a foreigner (and therefore assumed to be rich beyond the dreams of avarice), I would automatically be granted some sort of superior status to a bus driver, by both society in general and probably by the driver himself. That's not to say a Phil bus driver would think me a superior person, only that I was ranked higher up the social pole. This would manifest itself in me being referred to as "sir", and it's unlikely that conversation could take place between us unless I started it.

I really do prefer the (more or less) egalitarian model.

ozward bound

2007-04-13T19:45:00.000+08:00

Crazy times, too busy to procrastinate and therefore too busy to post here. Recent happenings in brief:

Wonderful Easter break here with D, S&J, and D. S performed above and beyond the call of duty in the kitchen but I maintain my mango daiquiris were our lifeblood.

C back from Spain/Ghana/Switzerland and is convalescing after evil arseholes in Ghana performed a drive-by theft of her computer bag while she traversed the 50 metres between buildings at her conference site, dragging her several metres along the gravel road in the process. She's fine now, save for some seriously impressive scabs on her feet, which will prevent both dancing and the playing of footsies for a while yet. Yet still she insists on cooking for D and I. I protest, but feebly. I am a weak, pusillanimous man.

Off to Melbourne tomorrow for the World Conference of Science Journalists. Not that I'm a journalist's fart, but the conference looks good and it's shaping up as very enjoyable trip, what with accommodation at the magnanimous W's in Fitzroy and ending on the high note of the L+N wedding in Tilba.

Dinner is calling.

you're too short and your personality sucks

2007-03-28T17:09:00.000+08:00

Those of us in Oz who are jaded by the warped, jargonistic English of formulaic job ads (self-starter, hit the ground running, able to value add and meet key deliverables etc etc shudder cringe vomit) will notice that Philippine job ads are different. Those advertising casual, non-professional positions are, at least. I find them a mix of refreshing and disconcerting, requesting, as they do, characteristics that Oz job ads simply don’t allow, on the basis of equal opportunity etc.

I just stumbled over this on the Cultural Center of the Philippines website:

The Venue Management Division is in need of PART-TIME USHERS AND USHERETTES with the following qualifications:

5'3 (females) and 5'8 (males) in height;
18-28 years old;
college student or working professional
well-versed in written and spoken Filipino and English languages;
with pleasing personality; and willing to stay up late nights, weekends and holidays.

Questions must be asked! Do females and males need to be exactly 5’3” and 5’8”, respectively? Or is that the minimum (or maximum?) height? Who defines a “pleasing personality”? If 5’8” is a minimum and not an absolute requirement, I reckon I’d have a shot.

On the same web page:

The Technical Services division of the Theater Operations department is in need of RELIEVERS for Stage Personnel with the following qualifications:

Must be 20-24 years old
At least a graduate of Electrical, Mechanical and Electronics Technology Courses
Willing to work overtime under pressure With good moral character
Excellent Health Condition
EXPERIENCE IN THEATER WORK IS AN ADVANTAGE!

That could be me too – I’m certain I have good moral character. But I don’t know if I have to have that as a general trait, or only when working overtime under pressure. Given the capitals, experience in theatre work must be a hell of an advantage.

I’ve seen several ads that also specify the applicant must be Catholic and single. I think single simply means unmarried, not strictly boyfriendless or girlfriendless (so that's OK, then).

To finish, I’ll segue seamlessly into a quote from a job ad somebody just emailed me. I’m not going to apply – the time isn’t right and, even if it was, it didn’t really appeal. Most of all, I don’t think I could stomach working for an organisation whose “strategic vision” is this:

[Organization X] recognises that to increase its organisational sustainability it must constantly maintain a strategic focus in advancing its mission. It must not become inward focused and consumed with the minutia of the short term.

Honestly, what the fuck does that mean?

are you being service united?

2007-03-21T09:19:00.000+08:00

So, after the great phone debacle it does indeed appear that I need a new phone. I handed my phone into the System at work, via secretary. From her, it will be sucked into a world about which I have no clue to be “repaired”. (Ha. D gave it to a mobile phone repair guy over the weekend and apparently the insides are already rusted out.)

I asked one of the secretaries if I could get an old spare work mobile while the System chewed on mine. She made a call then came back to my office to say that a “service unit” would be sent over by the end of the day. I was about to ask what in hell a service unit was, when I realised she meant “phone”.

I weep for humanity.

Nokia phones are CRAP

2007-03-14T23:42:00.000+08:00

OK. Nokia mobile phones are NOT – I repeat, are NOT – able to withstand 30 minutes submerged in chlorinated water. I established that today, during my lunchtime swim.

“Off we go for our lunchtime swim tra la la la, so healthy and fit la di da, pop my phone in my boardshorts pocket, just remember to take it out before I jump in the pool, ha ha ha as if I’d forget that, wanker.”

I’m sure work (it was a work phone) will realise it was a valid scientific test.

“Um, my phone stopped working, can I have another please thankyou?”

“Is there any reason it stopped working?”

“Ah. It did get a wee bit wet.”

“How did it get wet? How wet did it get?”

“OK OK I fucking went swimming with it for half an hour, what is this the inquisition, it should be able to handle it, give me a new one. Please.”

“No.”

“OK.”

absurdities

2007-03-08T18:54:00.000+08:00

While swimming at lunch today, it occurred to me that I must be getting better at handling work because I'm as swamped as I've ever been (trying to finish the next issue of the magazine and pulling together the research section of the annual report, which is a headfuck of a job) but I feel nowhere near as stressed as I did at this time last year, when I had the same amount of work (I do feel a bit stressed, but not nauseatingly so). So that's good. But I also realised that some of the stress I do feel is because I don't feel so stressed. How fucked is that? I actually seem to be balancing things a bit better (not as well as I should, but hey...) and my man-child idiot homunculus is telling me that because I'm not ill with stress, I must not be doing enough work. How do people/societies get their internal priorities so screwed up?

Anyway -- new project is not to feel stressed about not feeling stressed. Baby steps, people...

worst-case scenario

2007-02-21T22:23:00.000+08:00

Before I go home: I was just pondering how utterly utterly hideously bad it was that Bush Jr. was elected ahead of Gore in 2000. I'm not assuming Gore would necessarily have been brilliant but he surely would have been immeasurably better than Bush. For one thing, he would've ratified the Kyoto Protocol and actually done something about climate change. This line of thought was prompted by the announcement yesterday by the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS). This from The Times:

It is the first time that the AAAS, which represents 262 societies and scientific academies, has published a statement of consensus on climate change. It was issued on Sunday during a conference where a series of studies added weight to the body of evidence of human impact on the climate and environment.
In the statement the association said: “The scientific evidence is clear: global climate change caused by human activities is occurring now, and it is a growing threat to society.

I know it's an old lament, but think what even a fraction of the billions of dollars wasted on Iraq could have done for climate change research and mitigation efforts. Or pick your worthy cause of choice.

If I was responsible for picking national leaders (if only...), picking Dubya would be absolutely completely the exact wrong choice. Shitloads of money spent on the wrong shit.

Fuck.

arty

2007-02-20T20:12:00.000+08:00

I've said this before: when it comes to photography, B + W = A. If you're too bloody ignorant to know what that means, I'll spell it out:

Black and White = ART.

It's a simple equation people, tried and true. Henri Cartier-Bresson knew it, and so do I. You didn't see HCB fiddling with saturation and hues on Photoshop. With this in mind, I've set the digital point-and-shoot to B&W and I'm gettin' all arted up.

These shots are taken on the road an hour or so east of LB.

an incident that happened at the supermarket yesterday; or: how i made my millions

2007-02-09T19:27:00.000+08:00

WARNING: this is a lot of reading for possibly very little reward. But I spent way too long writing it to not post it.

So, before heading home last night I popped into Souths, the supermarket near work. It was close to closing time so I RUSHED, all business-like, to and fro through the aisles and grabbed what I needed – chiefly lemons, for a grain mustard, honey, olive oil and lemon juice salad dressing, if you must know. But I also got razor blades (to SHAVE MY MANLY STUBBLE), milk, juice (varieties thereof), yoghurt, pumpkin, a capsicum (red), toothpaste and dental floss. This will be covered in the exam.

On getting to the cashiers, I discovered something I should’ve predicted: long queues of people with overflowing shopping trolleys (which, given the propensity for sachet marketing in the Philippines, means Avogadro’s number of items per trolley). There were but 3 lanes (out of about 15) open. The 10-items-or-~~less~~-fewer lane was staffed but the checkout chick (they’re ALL chicks in the Philippines – I’ve never once seen a bloke on checkout) had her little ‘closed’ sign up anyway. An Inadequate number of open checkouts is infuriating any time, but particularly so here, where supermarkets – businesses in general – employ what people back home would consider a ridiculously and unnecessarily large staff. The low cost of labor is obviously a major reason – but why managers choose to have 10 shelf-stacker boys to every customer and the reverse ratio for checkout chicks is a mystery to me.

Being an overbearing westerner, I thought I’d make a probably-futile but polite point. I asked the girl in the 10-items-or-~~less~~-fewer lane if she could ask her manager to open another lane. She apologised and informed me that there were only three lanes open. I declined to say that, yes, that was the point. But I did ask where her manager was, and went and (politely) asked if she could open another lane. When she saw I only had a basket, she said I could go through the 10-items-or-~~less~~-fewer lane. This was a surprising victory (myriad rules and laws are flagrantly ignored here; taking more than 10 items through the 10-items-or-~~less~~-fewer lane is not one of them).

I happily slipped back to the 10-items-or-~~less~~-fewer lane and the checkout chick started ringing up my stuff.

When she was almost finished, a man came up with a meager two items. The girl informed him I was the last customer and he needed to join the back of the big, ugly queues. Being an INCREDIBLY MAGNANIMOUS person (and thinking it was idiotic to make the poor bloke line up for 20 minutes for two items with a combined cost of about a dollar), I said he could put them through with my stuff and just pay me. His English wasn’t great and he didn’t really understand, so I told the girl to put them through. She asked if I was sure and I said yes (I didn’t see much potential for any great loss on my part).

So she rung them up and the guy, still not quite getting it, thrust his 50 pesos (around US$1) at her. She took it and gave it to me. He looked a bit worried about this but didn’t say anything. I checked the price of the guy’s stuff (actually closer to 60 pesos) to make sure I didn’t owe him any change. Checkout girl then had to go and swipe my card at the machine half-way down the other end of the supermarket.

While she was gone, I handed the guy his things, expecting a thanks (nothing else – just a quick ta mate, goodonya) and, possibly, an offer to pay the extra few pesos to me (which I intended to refuse) before he departed. But he just stood there looking away from me. After 30 seconds or so I asked if everything was OK. He didn’t respond, so I asked again and he muttered “OK.” I was sort of pissed off by now – I didn’t want a medal, but I just saved the guy 20 minutes in a queue and gave him a discount; a thanks wasn’t too much to hope for.

I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt for the time-being, thinking maybe he needed the receipt and was just a bit shy with a big funny-lookin’ foreigner who didn’t speak his language.

Checkout girl finally arrived back. I signed the credit card slip and she gave me the receipt. Then, at last, my man spoke – asking (in Tagalog, but even I could understand it) how much his stuff cost. I told him, 60 pesos. He suddenly smiled and looked a bit awkward and started digging around in his pocket for change. I told him it was OK and he eventually muttered something that I think was a genuine (if shy) thankyou. Then he left.

He was right to be suspicious though: I’ve made my millions by skimming a few pesos off unsuspecting supermarket shoppers in the Philippines.

WHY?

2007-02-07T18:35:00.000+08:00

In case you can't read all of that (taken way back in 2005, in Sabang, Mindoro, I think), it says:

RED COAST
FORMERLY GOLD COAST

Why did they change it? WHY??

And how many former patrons would have come over all baffled and disappointed upon discovering the new version?

"Oh. Gold Coast isn't here anymore. They must have knocked it down. And built Red Coast on the same site. Red Coast is clearly an entirely different type of establishment. I guess we'll just take our business elsewhere. Bugger."

And if Gold Coast was good enough that they want to remind people that Red Coast was once a bit closer to the shorter-wavelength end of the visible spectrum, why change at all. Unless legally obliged to do so. Maybe the Gold Coast council in Queensland thought people would get confused.

photos of fruits and photos of vegetables and photos of grains

2007-01-29T14:48:00.000+08:00

Over the last couple of weeks, G (one of my work colleagues) and I attended a three-session photography workshop (courtesy of our employer). It culminated on Friday evening, ehen the participants (or the half of us who bothered to turn up) presented their assignments, which had been given to us the previous Saturday. Mine was "a variety of different-coloured seeds." Which I didn;t really like all that much. I'd have preferred G's, which was something along the lines of "duality and contrast". Given an abstract, conceptual theme like that, I'd have had the luxury of photographing pretty much anything and then bullshitting to fit the bill. It's hard to bullshit "a variety of different-coloured seeds."

I was very impressed with G's effort (which genuinely fit the theme). He, like several others, put together a very spiffy powerpoint slideshow, complete with thoughtful text and evocative music. I just had a powerpoint of my shots. I had to click to go to the next photo and instead of Enya and inspirational quotes, I babbled about what little I know (i.e., very little) about the history of fruit and veg. I did make one joke that got some laughs, about how the first watermelon I bought was a seedless. (True, I swear!)

Anyway -- here are the photos (cos it's easier than writing lots of stuff):

hardcore regime

2007-01-23T17:58:00.000+08:00

have been very lax with the blog of late -- trying to get on top of work and not spend too much time in the office. It's THE NEW ME.

I feel better about work etc than I did at this stage last year (not sure WHY I feel better, but am not questioning it. It might be my new HARDCORE FITNESS REGIME. I'm swimming for 30min at lunchtime nowadays. It's good for several reasons:

I stop at the Japanese restaurant (NOT this one) on the way back to work and pick up sushi for lunch, thereby avoiding the dubious delights of the work cafeteria;
I don't self-flagellate because I intended, and failed, to swim after work;
I avoid the work cafeteria;
I have much more energy at work in the afternoon; and
I avoid the work cafeteria.

And, I was amused by the following excerpt from the Cebu Pacific airline website's online bookimng page. It nicely sums up the Filipino fixation with nicknames (almost nobody is introduced or addressed as their own name -- everyone has a nickname). I especially like the second paragraph (partly the general sentiment and partly that they used "i.e." instead of "e.g.", which results in wonderful implications). Oh to be one of those people...

Please make sure that you enter your FULL NAME, ex. Juan dela Cruz. "Juan" is the first name or given name and "dela Cruz" is the surname or family name. Please do not use your aliases/nicknames. Or better yet, if you are a passport-holder, please enter your name as it appears in your passport and use your passport as your form of ID at point of check-in.

For guests with single-word names, i.e. just Kristanto, please contact the Call Center at (632) 70-20-888 to make your bookings.

two things that amused me today

2007-01-11T19:20:00.000+08:00

Right, SW is back in the office in El Philippines, and that's all we're going to say about that for now, thankyou very much. For those who want to know, he sports a rugged, sun-weathered look and around 5 extra kilos courtesy of many festive-season epicurean indulgences. Nothing the work canteen diet won't get rid of before long.

Anyway. I encountered two unexpected things that made me chuckle today.

1.
I saw B, a friendly, soft-spoken , married-with-child Iranian bloke who works here. We were exchanging happy-new-year pleasantries and I asked if he'd been anywhere.

B: Just Iloilo, for some work.
SW (in jokey jokey tone): Work!? No beach?
B (smiling): No beach and no bitch!

It took a few seconds for me to process that, but I'm almost certain that is what he said.

2.
When attempting to go to this very blog itself, the autoprompt function thingy caused me to accidentally go to SWEDEN.SE - the official gateway to Sweden. There, I happened upon this:

DANCE FEVER SPREADS IN SWEDEN
by Cari Simmons, freelance writer

Need to shake off some of that Christmas food? Do like the Swedes: dance! A dance bug is going around Sweden, making people of all ages break out into salsa, African dance and street dance. What’s going on?

I'm not entirely certain why it tickled my fancy so. It was the raised-eyebrow question at the end that did it, I think. Cari Simmons, freelance writer -- I salute you!

gone eatin'

2006-12-20T08:50:00.000+08:00

SW and D are now in Oz (Melbourne, specifically, as I write this) and seem to have embarked on an eXtreme eating and drinking campaign. It wasn't supposed to be like this, it's just how it happened. SW takes advantage of the plentiful summer food so as to survive the lean winter months.

The point is: very few posts between now and our return to the Phils.

I leave you with the lovely image of the remainder of the lechon (spit-roasted pig) after my work Christmas party on Wed 13 December...

oh dear...

2006-12-12T10:53:00.000+08:00

He's at it again. From Migrants need to learn mateship: PM in the Sydney Morning Herald:

A new citizenship test for migrants is not a step towards reintroducing a racially discriminatory immigration policy, Prime Minister John Howard says.

Mr Howard has announced migrants wanting to become Australian citizens will need to sit English exams and pass multiple-choice tests on Australian society.

The 30 test questions, drawn from a pool of 200, will cover topics such as history, system of government, sporting traditions and mateship.

To me, this reeks of reactionary nationalism. You can't bloody-well test for "mateship" (however the hell you define it). Surely this is self-defeating? The whole point of Australia's supposed ethos -- the thing that Howard believes makes Australia so damn great -- is that people can be whoever the hell they want (provided they don't harm others etc etc). This is like saying "we're going to force you to be who you want to be."

Or something.

Isn't forcing values onto people defeating the whole point? That's what I'm trying to say, I think.

You will embrace Australian values (whatver they happen to be; we'll let you know when we've finalised them) and you WILL ENJOY YOUR LIFE AS AN (Anglo married-with-two-kids) AUSTRALIAN.

Howard also says:

You say 'How do you test it?'. Well, I'm not going to start canvassing what the test is."

WE WILL TEST YOU ON MATESHIP, MATE!

How?

DON'T BE A SMART-ARSE SHUTUP YOU DIRTY FOREIGN BASTARD.

ty-PHOOEY

2006-12-03T20:40:00.000+08:00

A title that befits the majestic terror of a typhoon, I believe.

Another update -- though it sounds like this has been getting some press outside the region. (And I suspect that EXTREMELY few people rely on SW for their news ... nevertheless, I will press ahead.)

Anyway - a couple of news reports here and here.

To sum up, Durian hit the Bicol Region (a few hundred km southeast of Manila) hard, especially the area around Mayon Volcano, which threatened to erupt a couple of months back. It didn't, but a lot of ash built up around it. When the typhoon hit, a lot of the ash and debris came down as mudslides and killed at least 400-or-so people (but with around that number still missing).

Here's a striking photo of trucks buried in mud with Mayon in the background. It's by Manny Marcelo of the Philippine Star newspaper. (I really should know if I can legally put this on my blog, but I don't.)

Hopefully that's the last typhoon this season, though I've heard that meteorologists are expecting one more.

going south

2006-12-01T16:21:00.000+08:00

SW thanks those of you who offered wishes of safety from Typhoon Durian. The rest of you can ROT IN HELL FOR ETERNITY. You know who you are.

For those who DO care , the bugger veered south and missed Los Banos, thankfully (thankfully for people in Los Banos, anyway -- people south of here may feel differently). It was still forecast to whack into us until relatively late last night but in the end we just got a bit of rain and some gusty winds. We have lost electrickery for now, but I can't imagine it'll be off for long.

In the end (for me), Durian was little more than an excuse for a very pleasant dinner with D, C, and Belgian J&I (who crashed in our spare room because their house is about a metre away from the edge of a ravine and after the last typhoon that hit here, they didn't want to move house the fast way. (Please read that last bit -- "move house the fast way" -- in a Rodney Dangerfield voice.)

A few places were fucked up, of course. I haven't see many reports yet, but one on CNN said:

A powerful typhoon tore through the eastern Philippines on Thursday with winds of up to 225 kilometers (139 miles) per hour, blowing away small houses, uprooting trees and cutting off power to thousands of homes, officials said.
Typhoon Durian lashed the eastern island province of Catanduanes early Thursday but later veered to the south with its eye likely to spare the bustling capital, metropolitan Manila. Forecasters, however, warned relieved Manila residents to still brace for potentially destructive winds.

Anyways -- ALL GOOD HERE FOR NOW.

here comes the hammer (again)

2006-11-30T14:28:00.000+08:00

What is SW doing today? SW is SHITTING himself. Why? Because of Typhoon Durian (that’s the International name; the Philippine name is Reming, but “Durian” is more appropriate – more so than “Wendy” or “Kevin”, at least) is heading straight for SW’s hometown, Los Baños. A couple of months ago, Milenyo (Xangsane) whacked heartily into LB and this was the result. Reming is currently rather larger than Milenyo, currently packing winds of up to 230km/h. It’s predicted to hit LB sometime tomorrow (Friday) morning. There was something sort of cool and exciting about experiencing a typhoon (my first) in September (until you realise that everything’s been fucked up and lots or people have lost lives/homes/roofs/etc). But one was enough – REALLY not looking forward to this one if it continues on its merry way…

I wrote the above a few hours ago. It’s now just gone 2.30pm and the update as of 11am was that it had intensified back up to a maximum 250km/hr category 5 (top category) “super typhoon”. This note from the Typhoon2000 website was particularly encouraging:

“THIS IS AN EXTEMELY CATASTROPHIC TYPHOON...PAGASA Virac has recorded wind gusts of 265 km/hr...All interests in the Northern Samar, Bicol Region & Quezon Provinces should closely monitor the progress of this extremely dangerous typhoon.”

Here's a nice shot of Durian off the east of the Philippines, taken yesterday:

(Got this from Wikipedia -- an image taken by the US Naval Research Laboratory.)

Work has just been suspended for the rest of the day. Were it not a public holiday tomorrow, I guess it would be cancelled tomorrow too. I’ve cashed a cheque with the work cashier (when I drove into work at lunch time – worked from home this morning – there were large queues forming at the ATMs) and filled up with petrol. Am planning to get some work done now and head back for dinner or if the wind starts getting fierce (it’s been steadily increasing all day).

ALL GOOD FUN.

Stay tuned…

lunch with a KILLER

2006-11-24T19:27:00.000+08:00

Be in no doubt, SW wines and dines with souls from every point on the human spectrum. Yes indeed, it’s not uncommon for me to lunch with Fufu the crackwhore and dine with Imelda Marcos on the same day. Though maybe that’s not really evidence for my all-points-on-the-continuum claim.

Anyway.

A few weeks ago, SW lunched with a friend and her family. A couple of the family’s friends joined us. One of these – let us call him X – had worked as a handyman/gardener for my friend’s family, who come from a small town on one of the big Philippine islands. X became very close to the family, who treated him like a Godson.

By the way, the Godson/Godparent thing is alive and kicking and screaming here – some people nominate half-a-dozen or more people as a godparent to their newborn (even SW is a Godparent!). Often, they try to include friends or associates who are wealthy and/or influential, in the hope that the Godparent will help out financially or otherwise as the little tyke grows up (the people who nominated SW as a Godparent clearly failed to do their research). That’s not to say it’s a cynical attempt at currying favor. It’s partly just the way things are done, and given the Philippine concept of utang na loob, the new parents will be indebted to the Godparent for life. Here’s a little paragraph on this topic, which I jotted down just this minute off the top of my head:

A dyadic bond – between two individuals – may be formed based on the concept of utang na loob. Although it is expected that the debtor will attempt repayment, it is widely recognized that the debt (as in one's obligation to a parent) can never be fully repaid and the obligation can last for generations. Saving another's life, providing employment, or making it possible for another to become educated are "gifts" that incur utang na loob. Moreover, such gifts initiate a long-term reciprocal interdependency in which the grantor of the favor can expect help from the debtor whenever the need arises and the debtor can, in turn, ask other favors. Such reciprocal personal alliances have had obvious implications for the society in general and the political system in particular.

Actually, I DIDN’T write that myself. It came from here, and is originally from “the Country Studies/Area Handbook Series sponsored by the U.S. Department of the Army.” But what is the internet if not a tool for making one look like one has book smarts when in fact one has NO book smarts?? Besides, I’m sure everyone assumes SW is book smart enough to PULL THIS SORT OF SHIT off the top of his head. Sorry for misleading youse, though.

But I digress.

A couple of years ago, X got into a drunken fight with another guy. He happened to have a gun, happened to fire it, and the bullet happened to kill the other guy. So X fled to another island (the one where I met him), where he lives and works today, having not so much as been charged with a crime.

This sort of thing happens quite a lot here. Unless it’s a high-profile case, police often don’t have the resources or inclination to pursue an arrest once someone leaves the area where it happened. But it’s not quite getting away with murder. There’s often a sort of community justice, which entails a deal between the family of the felon (I do love using the word “felon”) and the victim’s family. It’s usually a simple payment; in X’s case it was US$2-3000. Sounds cheap to my Australian ears, but 1) that sort of money goes along way here (to raise the cash, X's family sold their property), especially in the provinces, and 2) in some ways life is cheap here. I don’t mean that people don’t care about others’ lives as much as they do in, say, Australia, but – from my completely unresearched observations* – death is just way more common here and people deal with it differently.

I didn’t talk to X much. AND DON’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS. It wasn’t because he was PACKIN’ HEAT and I was scared he might POP ONE IN ME. He just didn’t speak much English.

But he seemed a thoroughly nice chap and I for one do not intend to hold the odd killing against him. So he whacked** a guy. So what? Haven’t we ALL killed, when we really stop to think about it? Hmm? Yeah, that’s right.

*It makes sense though – 1) The Philippines is a much poorer country than Australia, so people don’t have access to the same health care, education, etc and there are fewer policed health and safety rules and regulations; and 2) There’s more than four times the population of Australia in a fraction of the area and people tend to have larger families and inner-circle communities occupying smaller spaces – people are simply around more people more often. I would bet on the death rate here being much higher than in Oz (Indigenous population notwithstanding), but these two points alone make me think people just end up facing death far more than your average middle-class Australian.

** I watched an episode of The Sopranos for the first time the other day. Hence I have the right to authoritatively sprinkle my missives with Mafioso vernacular.

candles

2006-11-21T17:02:00.000+08:00

Q: What's more artistic than a photo of a candle?

A: A series of photos of candles!

That's right! It doesn't get ANY MORE ARTY than the following photos of candles outside a catholic church that SW, D and D's friend Ch wandered through in Cebu a few weeks ago. It was an old and famous church but I have to confess that I can't recall the name. This is art, not history, people.

buck off

2006-11-17T19:41:00.000+08:00

I visited Cambodia once, in 2001. Sure, Angkor Wat was a highlight, but nowhere near the best thing I saw. THAT was the sign for the appetising-sounding Angkor Chum Burger (photo here, courtesy of E, who was with me and was smart enough to buy an Angkor Chum Burger T-shirt).

While I can understand the need for intellectual property rights, I do rather enjoy seeing this sort of blatant rip off. Like the ‘Big Mak’ burger vans here in the Philippines. No photo, unfortunately, but McDonalds had their lawyers on the case. Not even a man-child idiot would’ve thought the Big Mak vans (with their truth-in-advertising chubby-kid logo) had anything to do with McDonalds, but I think the courts ordered the vans to shut down or change the name.

While in Cebu a couple of weeks ago, I came across this eerily familiar-looking establishment:

There’s no way anyone would think they ripped off another, somewhat larger and more insidious coffee shop. I DID try the coffee – it was actually OK but, just like the other buck, everything came in disposable fucking containers...

"But it's BIGbucks, your honour! BIG!"*

*SW's hypothetical court-of-law statements are clearly now a THING. And hereafter eagerly awaited by the punters.

two (2) unrelated photos of signs that amused me

2006-11-14T15:15:00.000+08:00

1. I like all the information presented on this sign, but I particularly like the name of the police operation. Especially the exclamation mark. I hope beyond hope that police officers have been instructed to yell "gotcha!" in an aggressive yet jaunty manner (as behooved by said exclamation mark) when apprehending FELONS.

2. What is the universal symbol for the hamburger? What is the one icon that is inextricably linked to a beef patty served between two halves of a bun? That's right -- the leprechaun.

credible sauce

2006-11-09T16:38:00.000+08:00

In theory, SW is a science communicator. This may or may not give him the right to pontificate on companies appropriating scientific sounding language to give their products an air of credibility. For example:

Look at the neck of the bottle:

I know that the word “naturally” saves Del Monte from accusations of outright dishonesty, but:

How many average punters would actually know what lycopene is? Hence, what is the value of saying something contains it, other than: “Ooooh, it sounds science-y, therefore it must be important!”
Despite “naturally”, there’s still an implication that, specifically, Del Monte ketchup contains lycopene. As opposed to all those cooked tomato products out there that don’t contain lycopene.

But fear not – the explanation is on the back of the bottle, complete with a thoroughly excellent disclaimer:

Of course, "a low-fat, high-fiber diet rich in fruit and vegetables" is just window-dressing. If you live a healthy, active life until 97, it'll be almost entirely due to Del Monte ketchup. And “certain cancers” + “many factors” = HIGHLY DETAILED information. They forgot to add: “…and, you know…stuff.”

Still, you’d have to question the smarts of someone who, after a cigarette- and booze-induced heart attack tried to sue Del Monte. “But, your honour, I drowned my fries in that shit.”

Hey...you! (Part 2)

2006-11-07T17:39:00.000+08:00

The meet-the-family weekend has been and gone. It went pretty well, I guess, as these things go. All very friendly. There were a few awkward moments, as expected, but nothing major. D’s Mum, Dad and brother (+ his wife and 3-year-old kid) were there, as well as D’s best friend from her hometown in Mindanao. Her family speaks decent English but I think they were a little self-conscious talking to a native English speaker. They live in small towns in rural provinces and either don’t use English much at all or only with other Filipinos.

D's family was very friendly to me. No questions about my intentions for their daughter (I think D had warned them not to ask) and I think they thought I was a decent person (despite knowing I’m a godless heathen).

However, all that may have been undone last night when D revealed over the phone that we’re living in sin (for almost 3 years now). D thinks they already suspected, but her mum came right out and asked last night. Something along the lines of:

“One last question…are you and SW living together?”
“Yes mum.”
“Are you living as man and wife?”
“Yes mum.”
“Are you living in the same house?”
“Yes mum.”

I guess she wanted to be completely sure. Or thought that if she asked the question differently it might illicit a “no”. Bear in mind that D’s folks had a traditional, conservative, Filipino Catholic upbringing. It didn’t seem to provoke too bad a reaction, though there was quite an intense conversation afterwards. I’m not sure yet what her Dad’s reaction is.

And, in case anyone was wondering, I did manage to get through the entire weekend without once referring to D’s mum and dad by name or title. That alone constitutes success.

Hey...you!

2006-11-02T23:01:00.000+08:00

So, SW is off to Cebu City tomorrow to meet, for the first time, D's folks. Probably about time after almost 3 years (by far a relationship record, I'll have you know), but SW is not without some trepidation. It could well be fun; it could well be a weekend of cross-cultural awkwardness. Were I a local lad, I'd be expected to address them, initially, as "sir" and "ma'am"... but that won't happen. Nor do they expect it -- they know I'm not local -- but D's helpful advice is "just don't address them at all."

Stay tuned...

silver lining / the DIY post

2006-11-01T18:34:00.000+08:00

KEYWORDS for the below photos, taken at Canlubang Golf Course on 24 October (then you may write the caption yourself):

typhoon
tree
uprooted
kids
see-saw

phoenix rising

2006-10-30T17:13:00.000+08:00

Well, you see, there’s some bad news and there’s some good news. I’ll break the bad news first. It seems that THE BIG OZ is no more. Hard to believe, huh? I, for one, cannot fathom how they failed to ride the Dingkum-Sizzling-Spaghetti-w/-toasted-bread express train to global franchise glory.

A tragedy? Ordinarily, yes. BUT THIS IS NO ORDINARY TOWN, FOLKS. You are about to find out why, in the face of this catastrophe, I sound so chipper. It is simply this:

Not catching my drift? Not comprehending why the people in the photo are so excited? Let’s zero in on that yellow sign in the centre...

Oh, YES. Theophilus Japanese food is HERE. What the fuck is it? I have abso-fucking-lutely NO idea. But I intend to find out, people. I intend to find out…

twitching

2006-10-26T19:21:00.000+08:00

Thanks to the magnanimous Lone Gopher, D and SW twitched at lunchtime today. For my first outing, I opted for the genteel lunch hour, rather than the outright hostile dawn hour. I promised that I'd make it for a dawn run soon though (more birds, more species). Not good at dawn stuff, mind you. But I thoroughly enjoyed my first Philippine twitch and BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WANT TO KNOW, here's the list of sightings (also thanks to LG):

Outing #1 – Mt Makiling lower slopes (near UP forestry), 26 Oct 2006

Scale-feathered Malkoha – Medium/Large black bird with crazy, mostly white head.
Red-crested Malkoha – Medium/Large black bird with red Mohawk crest and green beak.
Coppersmith Barbet – Small bird with red and yellow face and mostly green body. Sounds like a coppersmith (tok-tok-tok-tok etc)
Bar-bellied Cuckoo-shrike – Medium sized grey/black bird with bars on belly. Noisy.
Philippine Bulbul – Medium sized. Orange throat, brown back, and light brown belly. Makes irritating sounds resembling cats or annoyed babies.
Balicassiao – Drongo. Black medium sized with “fishtail”.
Grey-streaked Flycatcher – Small brown bird with streaked throat and chest.
Brown Shrike – Small/Medium bird on broken branch. Grey or brown head (different races) dirt white chest, brown back and black “bandit-mask”. On telephone wires everywhere.

Eventually I hope to be as respected a twitching authority as this man.

the muse

2006-10-25T20:23:00.000+08:00

Has SW cracked the art world? Is he inspiring artistes? YOU decide.

Impressionistic? Abstract? Trés chic, daahling!

Thanks to AT for the artwork -- I am impressed. I confess to knowing very little about art (enough to make a reference to René Magritte if I'm CERTAIN that my companions know even less than me), but this, I reckon, shits all over Ken Done.

Delhi stuff

2006-10-20T18:27:00.000+08:00

A few photos from last Saturday in Delhi, in no particular order...

...lastly: a man selling a sort of bong for cigarettes. THIS is progress.

SW's lightweight political commentary

2006-10-19T13:05:00.000+08:00

I liked Richard Woolcott's comments on the Iraq debacle, here.
Something else elicited a raised SW eyebrow in another SMH article, on Bush's comment that there are similarities between Iraq and Vietnam. The White House spinners tried to cover up thus:

The White House later sought to put the comparison in context.
"The full context was that the comparison was about the propaganda waged in the Tet offensive ... and the president was reiterating something he's said before - that the enemy is trying to shake our will," Dana Perino, a Bush spokeswoman, said in a statement.

"They know that we're a caring and compassionate people and that we're deeply affected by gross violence," she said.

"The president also believes the American people understand the importance of beating our enemy who is determined to kill innocent freedom-loving people."

1) "They know that we're a caring and compassionate people and that we're deeply affected by gross violence." Is middle America really so vapid as to swallow that?

2) "...innocent freedom-loving people." I can't believe they're still trotting out that bullshit. "Freedom-loving" -- please!

That's right. The insurgents in Iraq hate people who like "freedom" (whatever that is as defined by Bush et al) and who use violence as tactic because their enemy is caring andc ompassionate and hence deeply affected. It's that simple, people. No nuances to worry about. They hate freedom and we love it. We hate violence so they USE IT AGAINST US. Oh, the inumanity.

(I thought propaganda had become more sophisticated than vacuous statements devoid of evidence to support them. Please tell me the average US citizen doesn't swallow that.)

Do they (the Bush administration and associated spinners) really truly believe that the US hasn't perpetrated any violence in Iraq. I don't know what'd be worse -- that they believe their own rubbish or they have so much contempt for the populace that they think they can win people over with insipid utterances. Or that they've so far succeeded using this method.

It's sickening that people who endorse this crap have so much power.

a hand in marriage

2006-10-17T17:51:00.000+08:00

This ad from the Times of India Matrimonials also tickled me:

NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT IMPLY SOME SORT OF UNDERLYING PREJUDICE AGAINST PEOPLE WITH DEFORMED LEFT HANDS OR ANY OTHER DEFORMITIES. I simply liked the ad. The guy in the ad doesn't have any issues and NEITHER DO I.

marry me

2006-10-16T12:43:00.000+08:00

SW is back from the home of the zero. Probably a good thing as I would've ended up about 200kg if I kept eating as much as the food demanded. First thing: arranged marriages. As someone from a culture that doesn't go in for them, I find the idea of arranged marriages odd. In some ways I can see the attraction, mind you -- it takes one big decision off your shoulders and SW is nothing if not decision-averse. And as far as I know, arranged marriages don't fail any more than "love marriages". Wikipedia says this (among other things):

...many proponents of arranged marriages attribute near zero percent divorce rates to couple that have had arranged marriages (in contrast to a 50% divorce rate for their Western counterparts). In India, the divorce rate is very low, even in love-marriages (although for love marriages the divorce rate is higher than for arranged marriages). This is often attributed to the fact that couples who enter into arranged marriages (in contrast to forced marriages where there is a higher risk of domestic violence/dispute) are usually more "traditional" and less likely to forfeit a marriage.

Anyway, as died-in-the-wool Westerner, I found the Times of India matrimonial pages fascinating.

It was nice (to my eyes) to see that a lot of the ads included the words "caste no bar". Plenty still wanted people from the "right" caste, though --including my favourite by far. Different cultures etc etc etc I know I know I know, but EVEN IN THE CORRECT CULTURAL CONTEXT (people!) this guy wrote the book on shameless self-promotion (click on it for a bigger version).

Needless to say, I've already sent my bio-data, horoscope and photo.

I'LL take care of the excitement

2006-10-06T17:40:00.000+08:00

SW is off to Delhi for a week for a MAJOR rice conference -- don't pretend you didn't know, don't pretend you;re not excited.

For those hanging on every word here, D and I got power back on Tuesday evening. A few poor souls -- such as Lone Gopher -- are still without the stuff.

I leave you with a gratuitous post: a photo of a page of the resort I stayed in for the management and leadership thingy I went to a couple of weeks ago. I dream of finding a job writing this sort of thing (click on it if you want it larger).

the philosopher speaks

2006-10-04T16:58:00.000+08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a rant about my intolerance of religious intolerance. I wasn't sure whether my position was justified, so I asked Candian M to see what he thought. Why Canadian M? 1) He's a philosophy-talkin' guy (philosophy of biology to be exact, but he's general shit too). 2) Partly because of his philosophical training and partly because of his all-round good-guy demeanour, I find that, for me, he often sheds new light on issues, forcing me to see things from a different perspective.

For these reasons, and more, I'm appointing Canadian M SW's resident philosopher. Unless he emails me and tells me to retract that decision because he's invested too much time, energy and money into his education to have it jeopardised so.

Anyway - enough of the small talk, kids! Here's his response:

Regarding your blog post: I certainly sympathize. Not being religious, and feeling that religion is often a scourge we should purge, I find it hard to relate to religious fervour. I mean, I feel really out of touch with the incessant outward shows of JC love in the states. I take it that your post was expressing the same disconnect and also contempt for the bickering and blood shed that results when fervour meets fervour. And I imagine you meant for it to be a selfish rant (important, those rants), not something you expected the respective religious sides to read and benefit from. So although it didn't exude tolerance or patience for complexities, as you acknowledged, I don't think it needed to.

That said, I do of course think there are complexities that may warrant a more tolerant view. Before judging the moral worth of acts I think it's important to describe the acts accurately. I think that if one attempts to describe the current religious bickering charitably, it may turn out to be more rational that it at first appears. This may not entirely vindicate recent acts of the fervourous (e.g., Pope's comments, Muslims' reactions) but I wonder if it will slow our criticisms a little.

Here is how I start to cast a rational light on the bickering. Doesn't it seem, once you get past the surface of the issue at all, that it's not really God that is at issue here? Rather, God is just a proxy for the real bone of contention: wholly different ways of life. What Muslims and Christians are really battling over now is how life should be lived. And this is hardly trivial. Different ways of life correspond to distinct answers to the most important questions and the worth-fighting-for issues. E.g., what is the right balance for a government to strike between equality and freedom? Which freedoms are more important than others? Which freedoms are worth sacrificing for others? How should we distribute resources and why that way? Should women have their genitals mutilated? Should gays be punished? Is habeus corpus a good idea? How about torture? To what extent should the public fund health care and education? Why is religious freedom a good idea? Why shouldn't I be able to drive an SUV and drain agricultural fields into the ocean? Why shouldn't I be able to protest against people who drive SUVs and drain agricultural fields into the ocean?

I think that some bickering is warranted when the ways of life that people are fighting about are a) sufficiently distinct and b) negatively impact the ways of life of others. Sure, it is a mistake for people to presume that God is a symbol for their values and ways of life. And it is a mistake to think God even exists. But do you think it is a mistake to value your way of life, and cherish it enough to protect it when threatened? Of course, answers to this vary case by case. Hell yah, worth protecting if you were Dutch when Nazis plundered your town to steel your way of life. Indeed, worth protecting with equal force, I think. Worth protecting when the Pope implies your way of life isn't rational or worthy? Certainly not with force, but maybe with a few whimpers and protests signs. Depends on context though. Would it have been worth it in, say, 1993 when Muslims didn't feel their way of life threatened so much by the west? Probably not. Back then, they should have felt their way of life (or their "belief in God" to use the mistaken proxy) more secure; shouldn't have felt insecure about their faith in it. But now, things are different. If I were a Muslim living in the middle east I'm not sure I'd feel secure in my beliefs, knowing that the states are bent on plundering the region for their own gain. When the stakes are upped like that, maybe the Pope's comments are worth a sign or two. Because every little bit is starting to add up as something that confronts you.

Of course, one of the catches with this whole attempt at charitably describing the situation is that it assumes that beliefs in different Gods map reasonably well onto beliefs in different ways of life. Maybe the mapping isn't sufficiently isomorphic to justify recent whining. And maybe we need to underline the commonalities between ways of life rather than just differences. But those are further questions to discuss only after we've granted that in the mind's of many, more meaningful things than God are probably at stake, and that by mistakenly reducing difference to differences in Gods, people are concealing more significant differences.

Okay, that was a stab at tolerance. What can I say, the Pope is an idiot and Muslims shouldn't listen to idiots.

(Though maybe Muslims have to listen, e.g., because Catholics listen to the Pope and an awful lot of Catholics go the polls in western countries that invade Muslims.)

What do you think?

What do you think indeed?

My all-too-brief response:

I knew that my rant was simplistic, selfish etc – as you point out – but you framed things in a way I’d maybe only fleetingly considered. Having said that, I maintain that I abhor the violent reactions to religious (or way-of-life) “slurs”. While at some level I can understand (but not condone) violence because of, for example, oppression (real or perceived), I really struggle with such reactions to simplistic utterances. That also goes for western thugs who beat up a drunk bloke at the pub who gives them a bit of lip (to cite one example).

And the SW resident philosopher's to that:

You can understand violent reactions to oppression, but not to simplistic utterances; I think the simplistic utterances are often part of more sustained, systematic and often concealed oppression. And so by your reasoning I think we should sometimes "understand" the simplistic utterances as well. Though like you, hardly ever do I feel I can condone violence. (I guess in the abstract, I never condone violence. But in concrete cases, sometimes the abstract doesn't mean much. That is, "no violence" is a principle for me that admits of exceptions in particular cases, such as when Nazis plunder my village and way of life).

Now (if anybody's read this far) I'm leaving this open for discussion. Which is of course a complete joke, given roughly 10 people read this thing and roughly 3 of them leave comments. But I can dream, people. I can dream.

storm boy

2006-10-02T09:30:00.000+08:00

Friday 29 September

Yesterday, Typhoon Xangsane (Philippine name “Milenyo”) passed through Los Baños. The weather started getting violent around 7am and got steadily worse for a few hours. There was a lull at around 10am (what I guess was the eye passing over), then the wind swung around and it picked up again until early afternoon. Laguna Province, which includes Los Baños, was under storm signal 3 – winds of 100-185 km/hour. I have video footage from within my apartment, but am not yet willing to learn how to put it on this blog.

It was easily the most violent storm I’ve experienced. A lot of the water that got into D's and my apartment was simply forced through windows and doors by the wind. The gusts would blow the water up the slope of the roof of the neighboring building and it would spray off the top like fine seaspray -- and get through into the ceiling anywhere that the roof wasn't perfectly sealed. . Word is that it’s the worst since “super-typhoon” Angela, which killed almost 1000 people in 1995. The latest Philippine death toll I’ve seen for Xangsane is 21, but that’s expected to climb.

The devastation around town was impressive – trees and power lines down everywhere, buildings damaged. D and I were lucky – just some minor flooding in the apartment, most of which we were able to divert into a bathroom. We have no electricity for now (last I heard, Sunday was the earliest prediction for regaining it) but we do have running water; lots of places don’t.

At work, there are lots of people away and many stories of people with unlivable and/or ruined houses. Given that most people don’t have insurance, it’s all a bit of a mess. The mother of one of my workmates (who was already quite ill) died – not from injury, but I guess the stress of the storm was too much.

Hearing the stories and news – e.g., someone was killed on the expressway between here and Manila when a billboard fell on their car – makes you realise that there’s a fine line between a storm like this being an exciting adrenaline rush and devastation or death. That maybe sounds a little sensationalist, but it’s true. I watched the storm from the confines of a sturdy apartment building and the worst I had to do was mop up a bit of water. A LOT of people not far from me are wondering where the hell they’re going to sleep.

It looks like the world media is applying the old equation that ranks the value of lives on a sliding scale from white Americans at one end to black Africans at the other – as far as I know there’s been bugger all reporting of this outside Asia. Can you imagine the amount of press a Western city of comparable size to Manila – say New York or Paris – would get if a storm brought down ALL power and left thousands homeless?

One thing that struck me was how people at work whose homes had suffered substantial damage remained remarkably chipper. I heard of one woman whose family told their elderly matriarch that, as the rain lashed in through the disappearing roof, that she’d always wanted a waterbed and now she had one. When I told the graphic design guys to try to have a good weekend, GR looked at MP and said, “M will spend his weekend looking for his roof in the lake!” Everybody laughed, genuinely. I imagine humour would be important in a similar situation at home, but here it seems even more impressive (or necessary), given that the losses are so much bigger, in relative terms.

I just found out that G, who cleans my apartment, lost the roof off her house. Worse, some friends of hers lost their 2- and 3-year-old kids. Somehow or other they were left alone in a house, their parents stuck somewhere else. There were candles burning, a fire started, and the kids died.

Which all makes the job I’m supposed to complete today – a press release about some winners of some relatively minor awards – seem like a complete bloody waste of time. Lost your house? Tell someone who cares, bud. I gotta write a press release.

Monday 2 October

A brief update: things are returning to normal -- the streets around town have more-or-less been cleaned up. There are still quite a lot of nasty stories popping up. Apparently 19 people were killed in a landslide in a neighbouring town.

In D's and my apartment, there's no elec-trickery (latest best guess is maybe by Thursday) and water only from around 8pm - 8am. But, Belgian J&I, who are hooked up to work's backup generator, have been generous beyond the call of duty and hosted D, C (neighbour for the last year or so) and I for the last few days. We'd be fine at home -- there are obviously many people much more needy -- but things are much more comfortable at J&I's place.

Work is collecting donations to help the local community; the memo sent out this morning said:

The recent typhoon, Milenyo, has caused considerable destruction and has affected scores of families. In Los Baños, the typhoon left 20 people dead, 6 people missing and more than 2000 homes, either partially or totally damaged. In Bay, there are 6 people dead, 9 injured and more than 2000 families affected. The local social welfare office said affected families need bottled water, canned goods, noodles, candles, rice, infant formula, blankets, used clothing and medicines.

A report in the Manla Bulletin said that "the death toll from typhoon Milenyo remained at 76 with some 69 persons still missing," and that "some 230,875 families, composed of 1,163,692 persons, were affected by the typhoon, out of which 20,706 families or 104,995 people were evacuated to 198 centers after 13,072 houses were destroyed."

And, even better, there's another one on the way...

Some photos from last Thursday and Friday that give some idea below.

From my bedroom window:

From spare bedroom window:

A few from around the University of the Philippines campus here in Los Banos:

These students had collected a dislodged sign (clearly, typhoons plus signs = BIG fun) and were thrilled to see D and I had cameras -- they'd been waiting for someone to come along who could photograph them. Which reminds me, I'm supposed to email the photos to them...

Belgian I's experimental Banana plantation -- 1 of 250 trees survived.

The tennis court at work -- the winds pushed down the concrete wall that people can practice against, taking a section of the fence with it:

A couple of shots from a nearby golf course:

One of the caddies, Jeff, next to a tree that came down on what used to be the clubhouse (it's one of the least swish clubs in the Philippines -- the clubhouse was wood and corrugated iron, but it wasn't insubstantial):

The clubhouse:

A collapsed billboard on the Southern Luzon Expressway, between here and Manila -- a couple of dozen of looked as bad or worse:

GSOH, likes nights by the fireside, moonlit walks on beach...

2006-09-27T17:57:00.000+08:00

What did SW do at his management and leadership training retreat? For a start, he did the Belbin profile. And what is SW's Belbin nickname? HIDDEN TALENT. That's right, you fuckers who wrote me off for a talentless drone. IT'S THERE. It's just hidden. And in what areas did SW score highly on his Belbun profile?

Plant: creative, imaginative, unorthodox. Solves difficult problems. Ignores incidentals. Too preoccupied with own thoughts to communicate effectively.

SW didn't rate himself highly here, but his 4 observers did. WHO IS CORRECT???
Teamworker: Cooperative, mild, perceptive and diplomatic. Listens, builds, averts friction. Indecisive in crunch situations.

Hell yeah! That's more like it. All agreed there. Do you like stuff? You do? Wow - I like stuff too!. Oh, not that stuff? No, me neither!

So SW confirmed that he works best in teams, with people, but has a job where 90% of his time is spent alone in front of a computer. NO MISMATCH THERE.

What did SW like best about his Belbin profile, given that he works in a job that is littered with tight deadlines? He liked this: "Should not be involved in work where a sense of urgency is important."

Hell yeah. Now, when things go pear-shaped, I can stick THAT to the man.

take me to your leader

2006-09-20T20:27:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow morning, at the aburd hour of 5am, I get on a bus with a couple of dozen of my workmates and head to a rather nice-looking resort for a 3-day "management and leadership training retreat" (I do have a bit of managerial responsibility, though "leadership" is a bit rich). I've NEVER been on one of these things before. As long as I'm not swamped with work, I quite enjoy official reasons to slip away from the grinding tedium. The program for this one looks interesting and useful -- management in a cross-cultural context / Asian vs Western management styles, decision making, etc (and god knows I need decision-making skills). One can only hope that this is all a ruse, and all we're really going to do is some sort of lame obstacle course wearing shit-looking helmets and the "trust" game, where someone closes their eyes and fall backwards into the arms of their colleagues.

go to your rooms and don't come out until you can behave yourselves

2006-09-20T10:46:00.000+08:00

Re: Pope’s comments angering Muslims.

I’m sick to death of it. Humanity can do some great stuff but, fuck, we’re a moronic bunch of fuckwits. When will this bullshit bickering and fighting end? I can’t stomach it.

Regarding this specific incident: irrespective of what the Pope actually meant, if he didn’t think he’d piss people off, he’s an idiot. And the people protesting: stop being so insecure about your damn religious beliefs.

Replace “Pope’s comments” with “cartoons about Mohammad” and the above paragraph remains the same.

All this crap for beliefs that I believe are based on fiction and myth. One can ask why my beliefs should be more valid than anyone else’s. That’s a whole other debate (a DEBATE, NOT a war), but it would be silly of me not to think they're more valid, or I wouldn’t believe them. My point is that, from this position, the fighting etc is just so damn absurd. If people are going to fight, the least they could do is fight over something that exists.

I don’t care if all this sounds intolerant and simplistic. And I'm tired of trying to reassure myself that the problems -- on any side -- come from an extreme minority. Maybe that's valid, maybe the majority of members of all major religions are moderate and tolerant. Whenever this rubbish happens, though, it's hard to feel reassured.

I’ve never let anybody’s religion colour my opinion of them as a person (there’s so much more to people than that, no matter how much people might think it defines them). That won’t change. But I’m so fucking sick of this crap. Grow up.

music and wrestling

2006-09-19T19:18:00.000+08:00

Just spent the last half-hour watching videos of live Mountain Goats gigs on YouTube. It reaffirmed that I REALLY want to see them live. I think if I were ever to do something genuinely, extravagantly impulsive, it would be to fly half-way round the world just to see the Mountain Goats. Because I’m not likely to happen in the Philippines. Avril Lavigne is about as edgy as it gets here. I’ve seen some cool local music, especially at Conspiracy in Quezon City (studenty area of Manila). The only foreign performer I’ve seen in my 3 years here was Norah Jones. I wouldn’t say I’m a NJ fan. I’ve heard a few songs and some were really quite pleasant. But watching her at Araneta Coliseum – the country’s biggest venue, where the thrilla in Manila took place in 1975 – was a little like listening to a radio in a stadium.

So who else tours here? The BIG names in the past 3 years have included:

Air Supply
Toto

Yes, Toto. (I SHOULD have gone -- really, how many chances does one have in one's lifetime...?) I have a vague and disturbing recollection that Michael Bolton might have been here too. Little else needs to be said. It’s not all bad, though. A quick look at Araneta Coliseum’s upcoming events tells me that the WWE Smackdown Survivor Series is coming my way…

Two sort of depressing things that were briefly on my mind today

2006-09-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

I half-read a New York Times article about the increasing prevalence of diabetes in India as diets become Westernised and more sugary. This is a big problem here in the Philippines too. (The article is here, but I think you need to register to see it.) One line, which wasn't directly related to the main thrust of the article, really struck me:

“For the world has now reached the point, according to the United Nations, where more people are overweight than undernourished.”

I guess this could be interpreted as a positive thing, but I’m pretty sure it has more to do with the surge in the number of overweight people than with a large decrease in the number of undernourished people.

The other thing was to do with Australian politics. I can’t be bothered giving any background, so for the 10-or-so people who read this regularly, apologies if you're not Australian have no idea what I’m talking about. Basically, Kim Beazley’s tripe about visitors to Australia signing a commitment to “Australian values” (which we kid ourselves revolve around “mateship” and “a fair go”) made me despair for the state of the ALP and, consequently, any chance of deposing Howard in the near future. It reeks unbearably of an attempt (a very poor one) to woo the xenophobic crowd that are Howard’s domain (and which, in my unresearched opinion, has become larger and more vocal under Howard’s leadership). If Beazley/the ALP can’t do better than that, they deserve what they currently have. Unfortunately, I guess, so do I. This blog captures my feelings well.

sharp

2006-09-12T19:45:00.000+08:00

Last week, a man with a cycle-like contraption turned up at my apartment block. He was sharpening knives. Sharp knives are excellent. I paid him 20 pesos (roughly 50 Australian cents or US$0.40) for each of 2 small knives and 30 pesos for each of 4 larger knives. They are very sharp now indeed. A simple joy, but pure.

crocodile tears

2006-09-04T20:04:00.000+08:00

The crocodile hunter is dead, long live the crocodile hunter. And all that. Premature death is generally sad, but I won’t say anything more about the event itself. I knew very little about him and never watched one of his shows. It’s for his family, friends and, I guess, his fans to mourn him, not me. One thing I will comment on: the way Australia continues to seem so obsessed with what the rest of the world thinks about us (especially when it comes to celebrity and sport). Maybe all countries are the similar in that regard – but I don’t think all countries would have features like this one in the Sydney Morning Herald: i.e., screen captures of websites from around the world featuring Steve Irwin’s untimely demise on their homepages.

Maybe it’s an objective look at the international phenomenon that was Irwin – the cult of the croc hunter (which is pretty amazing, it seems). But maybe not.

We’re down here! Look! See, he was one of ours! Thankyou for noticing us!

sigh...

2006-09-01T17:00:00.000+08:00

From today’s Sydney Morning Herald:

Devil in the detail: Vatican exorcises Harry Potter

THE Vatican has never been a fan of Harry Potter, but its chief exorcist has gone one step further and condemned J. K. Rowling's fictional boy wizard as downright evil.

"Behind Harry Potter hides the signature of the king of the darkness, the devil," says Father Gabriele Amorth, the Pope's "caster-out of demons".

The books contained numerous positive references to the satanic art, falsely drawing a distinction between black and white magic, he told the Daily Mail in London. In the same interview, Father Amorth said he was convinced that Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler were possessed by the devil.

Do we really have to pretend to take this seriously enough that it warrants a news report? I despair. I really do.

nudge nudge wink wink

2006-08-31T19:35:00.000+08:00

Does anybody else find the Macquarie University logo a wee bit suggestive?

Or is it just me?

I can only suggest their marketing manager thought of it one proud morning while gazing longingly into the mirror at the end of his bed. (Cor! Oooo-eeee!)

food

2006-08-29T19:14:00.000+08:00

Below are phots of some of the HEARTY and JOYFUL foods that M, M and I ate while in Kochi, Japan, a couple of weeks ago.

Katsukare. After-tennis food -- Japanese version of Indian curry (this one sevred with a crumbed pork cutlet) that is almost but not quite entirely unlike Indian curry (apologies to D Adams) ... good though, in its own special way.

Katsudon (crumbed pork cutlet on rice with egg mixed through it).

Okonomiyaki (sort of a cross between a pizza and a pancake, these with cabbage, cheese, pork, squid, prawns).

Katsuo tataki (regional specialty -- bonito flame-cooked over a straw fire, just to sear the edges).

... and katsuo tataki being cooked.

Little fish (which I didn't eat, but I like the photo ... ooooh ... repeating patterns ... oooh ... few colours ... ooooh ...).

Sui gyoza (pork dumplings, steamed and served in broth; usually fried and eaten with ramen noodles).

Ramen noodles.

Man cooking ramen noodles.

And here is a photo of the food I returned to, in my work cafeteria:

Entirely unlike shepherd's pie. And guaranteed TEPID. Mmmm.

Ah well. As Ned Kelly supposedly said, such is life. And I think our situations are comparable.

this man KNOWS me

2006-08-25T13:45:00.000+08:00

Got an email yesterday from a guy working at one of my workplace’s sister institutes, in Nigeria. He wanted to change the postal address at which he receives the magazine I edit. This man – with whom I have never had any correspondence whatsoever – is CLEARLY a person of great wisdom and integrity. Here are my reply to his initial email and his reply to my email. To preserve anonymity (which SW holds in extremely high regard), I’ve changed names and the publication title. All else is verbatim…

From: secretwombat
Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 10:47 AM
To: Obviously an astute guy
Subject: RE: Redirection of TOTALLY EXCELLENT Publication

Dear Dr. Obviously an astute guy,

Many thanks for this information. We will change contact details on our mailing list as you suggest.

Sincerely,
secretwombat

Secretwombat
Editor, TOTALLY EXCELLENT magazine

From: Obviously an astute guy
Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 6:50 PM
To: secretwombat
Subject: Re: Redirection of TOTALLY EXCELLENT Publication

Dear Dr. wombat,

You are just wonderful. Thank you very much for your prompt response.

With all high regards.

Obviously an astute guy

...and he even addressed me as "Dr"...

we don't do it like that 'round these here parts

2006-08-24T15:19:00.000+08:00

Two things.

Took delivery of New Fridge yesterday, to replace the ancient monstrosity that, when not making 747-taking-off noises, made half-hearted attempts to keep food cool and drained half the town’s elec-trickery supplies. (D and I regard New Fridge as a newborn and will name it and sleep on the kitchen floor next to it.)

The point, though, was the excellent observation of occupational health and safety guidelines by the delivery guys. One of them (small, even by Filipino standards) hooked his arms through the PVC straps used to keep the box intact and carried the whole damn thing in BY HIMSELF, like a backpack. Twenty-odd meters plus some knee-bends to get under the garage eaves and in through the apartment door. Nice work, fella.
Filipino English includes some unique expressions (e.g., “for a while” instead of “just a moment”) as well as some interesting idiosyncrasies. Filipinos don’t take a look at something – they make an ocular inspection.

Overheard on Tuesday, Filipina science editor T explaining her late arrival:
“My husband! He was involved in a vehicular collision!”
Thank god it wasn’t a car crash.

(As far as I know, husband was unharmed.)

we got mountains...

2006-08-22T09:59:00.000+08:00

Kochi prefecture runs along the Pacific edge of Shikoku, the smallest of Japan's four main islands, in the country's southwest. It is very rural and very mountainous. It has many rivers. Lennart, the Swedish guy who lived next to me in Otaguchi village for a few months in 2001, once said to me with Scandinavian modesty: "I rode up around the river this morning. It's very...it's very...oh, my English is terrible. Very serpentine!"

Oh my god! it's bigger than the mountains! IT WILL DESTROY US ALL...

the price of rice

2006-08-17T11:45:00.000+08:00

A photo of a rice for sale at a market in the Philippines:

Price = 20 Philippine pesos per kilogram =
USD$0.39 / AUD$0.51*

A photo of rice for sale at a supermarket in Japan:

Price = 1380 yen for 1.4 kg = ¥986 per kilogram =
USD$8.50 / AUD$11.10.*

*Based on today's exchange rates

Pictured Japanese rice = 21.7 X price of pictured Philippine rice.

Even assuming that the pictured Japanese rice is a premium grade/variety and the Philippine rice is low grade, that’s quite a difference. And Philippine rice is around double the price of rice in other Asian developing countries.

I SHOULD thoroughly research why there’s such a big difference. Instead, I’ll offer sketchy details that are already in my head and, as such, need to be taken with a liberal sprinkling of sodium chloride.

Japanese production is more expensive (cost of fertilizer, pesticides, labour, transport etc). Though this is offset a little by higher yields (average yield in Japan from 2003-2005 was 6.27 tons per hectare; in the Philippines it was 3.49 tons per hectare).

The Japanese market is heavily protected. There are big trade restrictions and tariffs on imported rice that keep rice prices high overall. (Tariffs increase the price of imported rice several-fold by the time it reaches the shops.)

SW is keepin’ it EDUMACATIONAL. Yeah.

how english was supposed to be

2006-08-16T09:33:00.000+08:00

SW is back from a brilliant, nostalgic (the Japanese word natsukashii sums it up well) and at times bittersweet 10 days in Kochi Prefecture, Japan. I know I had reasons in early 2001 for deciding to forego another year in an amazing place where I constantly had hilarious misadventures with a group of excellent friends, but fucked if I can remember what those reasons were.

There should be a few posts on the trip in the coming days. Work is entering a hell period now, so SW’s activity will depend on whether or not my stress panic overrides my aptitude for procrastination.

First: a few examples of sublime Japanese English. There are more and better examples here, but I took the photos below…

1. Computer at Osaka Kansai airport (4 photos)

Ah! So that's what you can do.

Surely the best way to enjoy internet.

Let's!

Also, a comment on Japanese keyboards (below) -- the space bar is WAY TOO FUCKING SMALL. Especially for big clumsy fingers.

2. Beer

Can't argue with that.

3. Mustard

Personally, I think they're aiming at too narrow a market.

4. Coffee #1

My favourite kind.

5. Coffee #2

My second-favourite kind.

6. Bread

Maybe one day they'll bake bread perfectly again.

7. At a supermarket

The implication of an unfriendly counter is chilling.

8. Marriage (with MG)

Don't even consider any other type of wedding system.

9. My favourite...

HOW CAN YOU NOT BE MOVED???

katsuo tataki

2006-08-04T20:15:00.000+08:00

To anybody who cares to know...

Just a quick note that SW will be waddling about the hills and beaches of Kochi Prefecture, Shikoku, Japan for the next week-and-a-half, and may or may not get a chance to post any marsupial adventures. All part of a very unofficial mini-reunion / amble down memory lane with Canadian M and American/Canadian/Filipino M, with whom I failed to teach Japanese schoolkids decent English all of 6 years ago. There was talk of forlornly failing to relive glory days by participating in the Yosakoi festival (with special guest P), like back in 2001, but I suspect audience participation supplemented by beer and/or sake is more likely. I'm not the sprightly young thing I once was, you know, though I could still take out a snake in a burrow.

Stay gold,
SW

fore!

2006-08-02T18:30:00.000+08:00

When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I got into golf. No skateboarding or BMXing for me, no sir. That was for the cool, athletic kids who were popular with the girls. For a few years, I probably averaged 1 or 2 rounds per week. Then, I lost the lovin’ feeling and didn’t play much at all for a decade or so.

A few months ago, Belgian J – who has just got into golf himself – convinced me to drag my old clubs back to the Philippines. I’ve since had something of a golf reawakening. It turns out there are quite a few courses in the region, including one that I can play almost for free (they have a deal with my workplace) apart from the caddy fee.

Yes, a caddy fee. When one plays golf in the Philippines, one gets a caddy. It took some adjustment. For several holes in my first caddied-up round, I felt like a neocolonial wanker. But, familiarity breeds complacency and I now ignore such feelings and make sure the blighters feel the sharp end of my boot if they hand me the wrong club.

A few weeks ago, one of the senior scientists here asked me to join him in a charity-fundraising golf day at a swish course nearby. Charity! Fundraising! I thought. Count me in – I live to give!

It turns out the funds were for the club’s “ladies golf team” – probably one of the richest sub-populations in the country. I think some of them only had one BMW. So you can be assured that SW’s money is going to the people who really need it.

It was all good fun until about the 13^th hole, when a storm hit and the lightning warning siren sounded, and we had to take shelter for an hour. We then played the last 5 holes in rain. On the 15^th hole I hit an incredibly bad shot and clocked one of the caddies square in her side.

She was in pain for a few minutes but otherwise OK (though I’m sure she had a nasty bruise), but I felt like a right idiot. I limply apologized and she apparently got upset because nobody yelled “fore!” (as one does in golf). Instead, I’d let out a garbled yelp. It wouldn’t have made any difference though – there was no way she could’ve got out of the way in time.

Then – to remind me I’m in a different culture/country – my caddy came to me and said that the caddy I hit had asked that I don’t complain to course management. Apparently if I hit a caddy, I have the right to complain (I think because she should’ve been behind the ball when I hit it – though, where she was, she should’ve been safe if I didn’t completely bugger up the shot). And if I complain, she could be suspended for a month.

What did I do?

Did I:

1. assert my neocolonial right and complain that my caddy had deliberately damaged my ball with her ribs?

2. assure my caddy that I wouldn’t complain, give up on competing for the remainder of the round, and continue to profusely apologise?

YOU decide. This is like a choose-your-own-adventure book, no?

Let me know if you’d like more golf stories. Ooooh, I got plenty.

more surely-they're-not-pirated DVD hijinks!

2006-07-31T17:03:00.000+08:00

Another DVD that has found its way into my apartment. This one boasts a "4 in ONE Collection". Exciting, no? And which four films are on offer? "Surely they will be related through a common theme?" you ask in that annoying, stilted monotone of yours. Well, you might think so -- after all, I do have a 2 in ONE DVD that carries both The Piano and The Pianist. As a fussy, pretentious, think-you're-a-cultured-film-buff, you'll probably suggest that these two films are as thematically related as Animal House and Animal Farm. Wanker.

Anyway, the four films are in the order best suited for this blog post:

1.

Comedy. Dodgy remake of the 1974 original. Panned by critics. (Disclaimer: I haven't seen any of the following except the last one - but I DID look at a few online reviews.)

2.

Comedy. Dodgy remake of the 1967 original. Panned by critics.

3.

Comedy. Panned by critics. Described thusly by Stephen Holden in the New York Times:

The desperately unfunny kidnapping farce King's Ransom is the cinematic equivalent of trampled chewing gum on a subway platform. Like that spat-out detritus, the movie is so negligible that you barely notice it under your feet until it gets stuck to the soles of your shoes, and you find yourself spending the next hour and a half.

4.

Drama. Based on true story of genocide in Rwanda. Acclaimed by critics.

Can YOU can pick the odd one out?

Maybe Chris Rock should have played Paul Rusesabagina.

For other secret wombat DVD cover shenanigans, go here and here.

cumulonimbus...?

2006-07-27T17:25:00.000+08:00

This is a photo of what I think is a cumulonimbus cloud (but, hey, I'm no meteorologist), taken from my office window on the 21st of this month.

ENJOY the power and glory of nature, people...

the scatology files (more of them!)

2006-07-27T16:41:00.000+08:00

Please note that my scatological posts are always in context and are NOT gratuitous.

This is the perfectly reasonable, if slightly awkwardly worded, sign posted on the inside of the door in the cubicle in the men’s toilet nearest my office. An appeal to one’s better nature when nature calls.

(My only questions are on the importance of keeping the toilet seat cover dry -- wouldn't it be better to keep the toilet seat dry? Though keeping the cover dry is a good thing, too -- I'm all for that. AND -- do you love the euphemistic use of the word "it"? Rhymes with...)

It is here that I perform my most important task each weekday at around 9am.

You may think that the reason behind this sign is that we are all man-child savages here, who don’t flush. Not so! It’s because the FLUSH ACTION is rather poor and often inadequate. (A common occurrence in these parts, let me tell you. The loo at home often requires up to five – yes five – flushes after a particularly healthy release).

Occasionally, one flush does the trick at work. More often, two flushes are the go. Thus, I have a simple routine: flush – wash hands – flush. The cistern refills during the hand-washing phase. Simple but brilliant. Brilliantly simple!

Today, though, my one true fear came to light. I’m a thinker, you see. Months ago, when I devised my system, my analytical abilities allowed me to PROJECT FORWARD INTO HYPOTHETICAL SITUATIONS. I presciently realised that there was a chance that somebody might enter the cubicle DURING THE HAND-WASHING PHASE.

Today, I shudder to report, this happened. MOREOVER, the perpetrator/victim (YOU decide which) was B, the bizarre, retentive editor.

I watched helplessly from the hand basin. I saw him pause. I saw him enter. I got the fuck out of there.

Let us never speak of this again.

boring, sort of introspective stuff (part 2)

2006-07-26T17:09:00.000+08:00

Following on from yesterday…

So, I’m not sure that I fit into the local culture (for obvious reasons) or the expat culture (for its transience and for more complex reasons).

The expat culture.

Note that everything here is generalised; for every point I make, there are invariably exceptions.

Where I live, in a town 60km south of Manila, almost all the expats I know are people who work at the same place as me, plus their families. Of the people I socialise with in this group, there are two main subgroups: those slightly older than me, who live in the staff housing complex and who have children, and those slightly younger than me, who are mostly students and live outside staff housing.

I have the right to live in staff housing, but I’ve stayed outside. My apartment is just off the main street and, as a MAN OF ACTION, this suits me well. Plus, my rent is about half that of the cheapest apartment in staff housing. (Remember: money saved in rent = money to spend on pointless material goods and fossil fuels! The world is going to hell people, consume while you still have the chance!)

I have good friends in staff housing, but the with-child versus childless lifestyle is just different. One of these days, who knows – I may have a child (or at least a HIGHLY ACCURATE robotic equivalent) and my lifestyle will necessarily change too. For example, I’ll have to take the kid’s nanny to the hardcore underground raves I frequent most nights.

Kids are not an impediment to friendship, but they are – completely understandably – the parents’ first priorities, so hanging out etc falls by the wayside a bit unless arranged well in advance.

Also, I’m not quite comfortable in staff housing. As much as I like most of the people I work with, I’m not willing to spend all day at work with them then trundle the same route home and live in the same row of houses every day. That’s not supposed to be snobbish – I just don’t want to do that. Having said that, most of the people in my apartment block are also from work – but the student lifestyle is still closer to mine than the parent one, and I don’t bump into senior staff with whom all I can do is make awkward small talk about some job I haven’t finished for them.

Time to go.

More later perhaps…

boring, sort of introspective stuff

2006-07-25T19:08:00.000+08:00

Pouring outside…Typhoon Glenda (yes, Glenda) is has already reached Taiwan, but she’s still drenching the northern Philippines.

There are two main communities I have access to here – Local and expat. Within each of these are, of course, many sub-communities. After my last trip home, I had my usual couple of dark, scowling weeks at work. I miss the community of friends I have at home. Not just the friends themselves, but the community that they help define. (And I do recognise that I get a skewed view when I flit home for a week or two and spend every day just hanging out, eating and drinking).

Lately, though, I feel I haven’t really fit into any community here. As a non-Filipino (and as a westerner who isn’t searching for a way out of western culture), I’ll never truly fit in to a local community. And I don’t really feel at home in the expat communities I’ve experienced.

I’m certainly not lonely – I have plenty of friends here. But, bar a few exceptions, I don’t have the depth of connection I have with my close friends at home. And, given the transience of expats here, I get the feeling that developing that sort of closeness is even rarer than it is back home – despite the fact that the shared experience of a different culture can bring you together quite quickly.

polyglot...not

2006-07-21T22:54:00.000+08:00

A friend, who I know from my one year teaching English in Japan, suggested in an email that after almost 3 years in the Philippines I’d be fluent in the local language. Here is my reply (slightly edited for blog-reading pleasure):

Ha - fluent in Filipino - that's a joke. I've been here almost 3 years and I still know more Japanese than I do any of the local languages. It's because most people here (those who are educated, at least) speak great English (it's actually an official language here, courtesy of being a US colony for 50-odd years in the first half of the 20th century - I have to confess I had no idea before I came). E.g., university lectures, exams etc are in English.

Without the need for the local language (which I had in Japan, where almost nobody in Otoyo could speak English - or they could but they didn’t), I just don’t have the motivation to really learn it. So instead I know a few stupid phrases that make people laugh at parties (e.g., "My armpits are smelly").

It’s all true, people – I’m a lazy shit. But I can also say things like:

YOUR armpits are smelly
You’re disgusting!
I’m a bit drunk
I’m good looking/ugly/tall/fat
Cooler! More delicious! (trust me, it's funny in the right context)
Fabulous! (in ladyboy lingo)
I’m hungry! (in ladyboy lingo)

AND I know the word for the sort of creased area where your upper thighs blend in to your groin region (singit) – if only English had a word for that.

Mabaho kilikili ko... (seriously)

going down, sir? Or: you are now qualified to ride

2006-07-18T12:28:00.000+08:00

If you drive to Manila via the South Luzon Expressway, you'll pass the building pictured below. If you have any idea what the fuck happens in it, please let me know.

( ... socially awkward people ... poor sense of personal space ... not good in confined areas ... practice catching elevators ... improvement ... success ... happiness ... )

the slow cut

2006-07-18T12:03:00.000+08:00

Below is the large sports field (Baker Field) on the University of the Philippines Los Banos campus. The size of the people walking across it should give you a sense of scale. It fits 3 or 4 soccer pitches on it.

How would you mow the lawn here? Ride-on mower? Push mower? No? How about a whipper-snipper? THAT'S more like it!

I guess the uni doesn't have the budget for anything more. But it's certainly a good way to turn a couple-hour job into something where you almost have to start again at the other end when you finish.

The lawn at my apartment gets cut with one of these, too. It would take maybe 15 minutes with a regular mower. With the whipper-snipper, it takes a couple of hours -- usually starting at 7:30 on a weekend morning.

Note that I'm not being condescending or complaining (except for the Saturday morning bit) -- merely observing. So don't judge, damn you.

my name is not Joe

2006-07-14T13:55:00.000+08:00

I am tall. I am of Anglo appearance. I live in the Philippines. I do not look like a Filipino. It is to be expected that I’ll get some looks and comments in public. Early on, it was quite endearing – even if the usual comment (“Hey Joe!”) meant that the speaker assumed I was American. (Joe = G.I. Joe = hangover from US occupation/long-time presence of US troops.) And the usual question that followed “Hey Joe!” offered a good opportunity for some lighthearted banter. “Hey Joe, what your height?”

“Eight-eleven!” (From me, cheerily.) An exaggeration, of course. But goodness, what fun we had.

Gradually, the ensuing hilarity dwindled. My responses dried up. The novelty wore off. Now, I’ve been here almost 3 years. And god help me if I don’t turn towards the next Hey Joe! and scream, “yes, I look different to you; yes I’m tall – please fucking deal with it! You’ve had fucking Europeans in this country for at least the past 400-odd years, get the fuck over it. Please.”

Yes, much of the time people are just being friendly. No, it’s hardly the worst example of discrimination (or whatever you want to call it – singling someone out because they look different, for whatever reason) on Earth. Yes, I'm just being a whingeing foreigner. Yes, if I don't like it, I should fuck off back home to Australia. But, fuck, I'd love to be able to just walk down the street in peace.

Sorry. Had to get that off my chest. Please indulge me.

merry christmas

2006-07-12T18:55:00.000+08:00

From today's Sydney Morning Herald:

PM Howard jeered by protesters

About 100 people, angry at the federal government's industrial relations reforms, have jeered and booed Prime Minister John Howard as he arrived at a function in Sydney's west.
A heavy police presence surrounded Mr Howard as he arrived at the Blacktown Workers Club just after 10.30am on Wednesday.

The protesters waved union flags and banners attacking the government's workplace changes.

Mr Howard's convoy pulled up outside the club, but he ignored the protesters who chanted "John Howard, go home, hey hey, ho ho".

Really, I'm with the protesters on this, but "John Howard, go home, hey hey, ho ho"??? Not sure how much time went into coming up with that.

My favourite (not my own) remains: "John Hunt is a coward."